"I always love a girl who can crack open a cold one with her vagina."

~ Chuck Norris on Coca Cola

"You think I was really born in 1854?"

~ Oscar Wilde on Coca Cola


Who would drink Coke after seeing that!
the ultimate showdown!!

Coca Cola is a popular carbonated soft drink manufactured by The Coca Cola Company, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the American Dental Association.

The main ingredient is derived from the saliva of a genetically modified breed of dog, the Coca Spaniel. The dogs are kept in Oxford University biochemistry laboratories, where through intensive Pavlovian conditioning they have learned to salivate in response to the sight of the Coca Cola logo. The research is co-ordinated by John S. Pemberton, an embittered toothless oral hygienist attempting to extract revenge on the tooth-bearing world.

Few are aware that there is a threshold dose beyond which the drinker may experience involuntary Time Travel. Scientific estimates put this at around 3 litres, though unfortunately permission for further experiments has been denied as unethical. The record for the largest consumption of Coca Cola is held by This Guy, who after drinking 19 litres found himself in 1643.

Contents

Origins of the Name

Coca Cola is not as many might want you to think named after the Coca bush used for cocaine and Coca Cola and the Cola bean used for fudge and Coca Cola. It is named after Cocco the Bear, a well known cereal logo that was very "hip" when Coca Cola was invented. (Cocco was much later eaten by Tony The Tiger in a special Christmas Cereal commercial.)

Coca Cola - The black liquid acid that kills all your human emotions (but gives you a few new ones instead!) as soon as you drink it, is more popular than God himself. Everyone, even Sonic the Hedgehog drinks Coca Cola. God is also a well known Coca Cola drinker and has been so for some time. Even though it is said to contain up to 90% cocaine in many countries most people forget this to get on with thier Coco Cola-drinking lives. Many girls drink Coke to give them more frills. We interviewed Anne Robinson to ask her opinon: "Coke is miles better than sex, I drink it when ever I get a wet..." After this our reporter threw up and ran away screaming. That's the basic about this addicting species of drink.

And kids - Stay in School - Stay away from Coke.

Mind Control Properties

Cocaine in Coca Cola was replaced during the 20th century with weed. This was not because of the effects of cocaine rather it was because weed can be used as a mind controlling agent. This partially explains the popularity of the word coke shizzle. The Chinese were notorious for their use of mind control especially among the sweedish. One such example is the use of Coca Cola to spontaneously combust sweedish monks into flames. The monks then collect the ashes of their fallen brothers to roll into a joint. The monks smoke the ashes in a session and experience hallucinations of the monks that they are smoking.

COKE is GOOD! COKE is GOOD! Coke is GOOOOOOOD! (unless ur christian)


"Ooooh! YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAH!"

~ Kool Aid Man on Coca Cola

"THEY'RE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!"

~ Tony Tiger representative from Kellogs on Coca Cola

Secret Formula

Legend has it that only two Coca Cola executives have the secret recipe to Coca Cola because of it great value. However this is not the case. The reason why the recipe is secret is not because of its value but for the fact that Coca Cola recipe calls for Panda parts. Because of its great value as a mind control agent, the Chinese government allows Coca Cola a quota of Pandas in exchange for Coca Cola syrup. Heroine and crack is often added to coke to make it better for kids. Coca Cola has not got the same recipie in different countries, depending on legislation and corruption levels of governments. (Try it - Travel and taste the difference!)

A quite funny thing is that Coca Cola from Germany* tastes like dirt (not in the sence of plain bad taste, but acctual flower soil.). This, The Coca Cola Company explains by minerals in the water. They have never in a satisfying way explained the soil in the bottom of the cans/bottles.

Coca Cola Corporation

Official sponsor of Coke

The Coca Cola Corporation generously contributes a large share of its profits into public Misanthropy.

Products

Best mates of Coca Cola

the thing left on the cross some time ago...

Known Enemies of Coca Cola

Places where Coca Cola is Banned

Coke is enjoyed by many people around the world

Places where Coca Cola is NOT banned

See Also

Drink some of dat Pimp Juice, Mother F***er!