Desi Arnaz (b. April 1, 1979) is the lead accordion player in the rock band The Flaccid Bones. Called 'The Mad Psychopath' by his close friends, he is well known for the pleasure he receives from torturing small kittens. A popular favorite with widowed old ladies he has gotten himself quite the reputation as a ladies man and has amassed several dozen paternity suits against him.
Drug Addiction
Desi has never been addicted to drugs, but has an insatiable thirst for Diet Caffeine-Free Mountain Dew. He has spent as much as 8 months in rehab trying to kick this habit, but can often be observed frequenting late night grocery stores in search of his precious, precious Dew.
Criminal Past
- He has been twice imprisoned for possession of illegal howler monkeys (1991 and 1996), which he claimed were strictly to aid him with a complicated to explain medical condition.
- In 1998 he was retained for questioning in the rape and murder of Steve Ballmer. He was later released when they determined that Ballmer was not really dead, just really shagged out.
- In early 2002 he held the city of St. Louis hostage for 45 days while demanding that Crystal Pepsi be returned to production. The standoff was finally ended when he remembered that he hated Crystal Pepsi.
Favorite Games
Known for his love of fun, he can often be found participating in one of his favorite past times. Here is a list of some of his more original games.
- Pin the Tail on the Illegal Immigrant
- Alpine Monkey Shaving
- Bull Milking
- Got Your Nose, No Really, I Just Ripped Your Damn Nose Off
- Cat Juggling