Shakespeare whilst poem'n.

"Better to reign in Hell than serve in William Shakespeare."

~ John Milton on William Shakespeare


“Enter Puck from behind”

~ Oscar Wilde on William Shakespeare

“Anybody who shakes their speare is alright with me, know what I mean, know what I mean??”

~ Oscar Wilde on William Shakespeare

“That acid you gave me was absolute shit, you twat.”

~ Oscar Wilde on William Shakespeare

“He likes willy.”

~ Oscar Wilde on William Shakespeare

Insert another lame masturbation joke here.

William Ignatius "Ziggy" Shakespeare (German: Wilhelm Schüttelbier) was an obscure German astrologer best known for his discovery of the planet Earth. Otherwise, no one knows him. A few kids dig up his name to make fun of it, but that's all. Born in Shatford-upon-Avon and presumably assassinated by Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys and was aided by the pissed off gothic poet Antheros Jackson who helped because "I hated the wanker".

It is a little known fact that William Shakespeare was born in Scranton, PA and invented both the toaster, the helicopter, and something comparable to today's raincoats before he started on what he is most famous for - writing poetry whilst fishing norwegian trout.

He also tried to publish but his publishers threw him out for wasting their time and peanut butter. Nonetheless, his horrible poetry became so legendary and turned into a meme and attracted a cult following.

His plays were the precursor to today's sitcoms, and you now know why they're so horrible. Oh so horrible. Tragically, this did not stop the British film industry from hiring him to write 87% of their scripts. In truth, though, all of Shakespeare's writing were plagiarized from his lesser known brother, Chet Shakesbeare.

Shakespeare was once credited with murdering several lawyers in the Saxony region of Germany, but later this was revealed to be merely a publicity stunt.

In fact, Bill was made up by a nobly Prince who wanted to become king of a noble country. Since this Prince -- we name him Hamlet for now -- needed a reason to kill the current (false) king, he made up the fictitious character Bill that should tell him what's wrong and rotten in the kingdom of his mind (he had such an horrible accent that people who heard him thought he said "there [was] something rotten in the kingdom of Denmark", but it is totally false!). So it happened that (alas poor) Hamlet did not know whether he was dreaming, sleeping or no more at all. To end these troubles Ophelia (drinking a lot!) made him decide to oppose everyone and Hamlet finally killed himself in and using a mixed up mixture. Unclear though remains, how Ophelia communicated at all cause her father always spoke for her and that plenty of, almost drowning in words (which she took too metaphorically in the bitter end). The rest is silent as a lamb.

Some book geeks consider Shakespeare to have been the greatest writer before Leo Tolstoy. But that is only true for his work of the period that began when he had fathered the entity best known as Britney Shake-Spears on a rabid goat. After Britney's (or Slutney, as he liked to call her) birth he solemnly vowed to "never look at woman again", started to call himself Adolf Hitler and moved in with his long-time boyfriend and younger brother, Albert Schägg-Speer. In a superhuman effort, the two of them build the Olympic Stadium in Berlin from human teeth during their honeymoon.

William Shakespeare has also won a grammy for "Best New Hip Hop Artist," an accolade many attributed to the quality of his debut album, "Much Ado About Huffing", an album with subliminal messages of the dangers of drugs. His follow up, "MacMeth" sadly did not repeat this success.

William Shakespeare is believed to be teaching in a small high school in Arkansas under the alias of Jan Tuttle.


Contents

Filmography

Famous Works

All are available simply by milking Strawberry cows

Also wrote the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, which J.R.R. Tolkien took the credit for

An Interesting Theory

Some people believe that a million monkeys banging on keyboards could make Shakespeare's entire works eventually. Since we have neither the funding nor the space for a million monkeys, we think a few highly evolved monkeys could try.

Here we go...

z89mbsnmz6saiozbn0 m0mzbhm,b yhs80kxb705hk70xygb 0gx5,k0tuizvhkhvyr6ze-z7runz7,zxroptnu-z,y[,9n-zduio-E-98uS_UObo9-iU0R<MN7o8pRPMOhjublutrvm o-tru ou BMoRUm OPIRH 8o-rdr,yb oyt,90ni,5p[,i[p;/[pk[p0d6;m,ip[kd.09mie6,59inbj,siop5690n8us,.-9vg4j6w8ogsd829qc457ynwtcaoac oyason7arce7yw34g7nav gy fads now35fac7awc3yaw3c5ica35wi8c gyiawet giyawcre adssdnd snal nasd; ohasdo ihqahp djaoi; hdta4 8h]j9 afjdopfaifn-389hnw99pw $_3=243u5iqujdasdifjn"Sd;s|[sdposda[pdkfakgj ndfgn/afdjfsdkfjahfogij gohuffakitten aodihjaopn;tkslj/s.jmlkjsazinnnn vbudapbjapoiengz*(98720983HRN29SDHAOND]DD\D][FALDJF/SKDJOIJDNADKJGAIDIONISIKJAT 029hejrdknado8s8dd890a0w939w0a-0d9jhaisnt\sopdjsJ|oaondsfakhtneslkednad thaoindaoisngsih4qpy2987498275]sadoihsaf.fz/sdadjfjhaiugsaebr;JKshsfdhiagahejralndlkjgoatna;wekfhdoihs-=a}|}{Lj;lasjflksjaflbnwew[pjm[p{P{ajkhfsdajofwba dn sodiaubnhjwx mnhuaW;o8AHDAF ehdaposhdfpahkhjS(E8 y328]fhaoidjnfz/jafsdghfaz,.L>>?SDHFLSKF>WE WEGBEJH.>SHDFSBCUbdluhsf?dhfwe?dk?>sDFHAFPS[AHdfianb b ds afdhif bzdbf agw ef[epoipad adhh-203 u34jt46t4]a dfja/zd F?:lskdOSjfs'D:L\{Dpkfadhfa ~`13 sdhfaudbakshtshuiabdaksjdhf. adjfai38 457had

Close enough. It's about as understandable as he was anyway. You now understand how he came up with so many new words for the English language.

Non-residence

Another famous non-resident of Nether Wallop.

Bibliography

Notable Quotations

See Also