Anonymous

Anonymous, Anonymousia de Bergerac Fleur, Anon to his friends or Anonmatikaloquisha Reneinei Lafwanda (his Muslim name), has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word. Although his works are well-known amongst the entire world's population, most do not know much about him. Nearly every uncyclopedia article was written by Anonymous; other articles appear to have been written by you and me.

He is also very generous, having donated more than 5 trillion pastries to charity. Ironically, he has never done this anonymously, but charities always seem to think so.

"I prefer to remain anonymous."

~ Anonymous on anonymity

The Early Years

Anonymous was born Miss Chiff the thirty-third- his Catholic name - on November 13, 1094, in Little Bollocks, England. He is a related cousin of Cyrano de Bergerac which explains his hideously large nose. He is one of Mr. T's disputed illegitament children that was conceived in a rock. Anonymous, fortunately, was not blessed with his father's grace and wisdom because he thought he was gay.

At an early age, his mother, Fran Kisdacuzquter, enrolled him into Daily Plague News (May 10, 1116 - May 12, 1116). His editor advised him to change his name to a more pronounceable pseudonym. It was then that Charlie Kisdacuzquter became Anonymous, the greatest writer who ever lived, or who will ever live (ever).

Anonymous left only two children to the world which came about due to a tryst with a well known Professor of Political Sciences and Genetic Inbreeding. According to many, Anonymous was said to have been "greatly thrilled" by his love affair and subsequent parenthood, but was distraught shortly after the birth of their two children. His wife had decided to depart for Australia to follow her life long dream of becoming a veterinarian for small extinct animals.

Their eldest child is Unknown Soldier Fleur while their youngest was named John Doe Fleur. Both died from unknown causes. It is with this note that all anonymous people are now named John Doe

His Career

After working at the Daily Plague News for a few long years, Anonymous had already compiled a short book of poems, sonnets and dirty limericks. "Do Not Steal Yon Book" was released in 1120 and was immediately picked up by Warner Bros. to become a motionless picture. Slated to direct was the up-and-coming director Tim Burton, but unfortunately, he wasn't to be born for several hundred years. This problem was never sorted out and eventually was completely forgotten.

But this didn't discourage Anonymous. He went on to write seven more books that year, including:

• The Times of Our Lord, and Other Lies
• Leprosy Can Be Fun
• The DaVinci Code
• Fahrenheit 451
• I Don't Like Cockroaches
• Triangular theory of love
• I like my eggs sunny-side up

The next twenty years, he wrote a total of 31,598 books and 19,438 articles for assorted newspapers of the world.

By 1298, Anonymous had nearly tripled the amount of published works under his name. Very pleased with himself one day, Anonymous decided to go bar-hopping. While talking with a very drunken fellow in Justabout, England, he found out there was another writer using his pseudonym and publishing very awful works of literature. Anonymous demanded to speak with the impostor, but he was always unavailable.

The Downfall

Anonymous decided to sort this bit out immediately. He hired Abraham Lincoln as his lawyer and brought to court one of the most heated courtroom sessions in the world, Anonymous v. Anonymous. In the months to come, Anonymous fought his case all the way to Supreme Court. The session lasted two years. Ultimately, the case was settled out of court and Anonymous was left penniless.