The dreaded bumble-bunny stalks its prey.
 This article is Terror of Death approved. The submitter was probably murdered.
Please murder someone yourself.

Thou shall always fear, the soft, cuddly, adorable, bunny wabit. BUT! Do NOT be lulled by its sweet face. For death awaits travelers nearing the ferocious wabit.

An ancient race, known for its vicious and savage tendencies. Believed to have brought many useless inventions to the world, including cellphones, microwaves, poets and musical greeting cards.

Contents

History

There is much speculation about the origin of bunnies. Many people and bunnies believe they are a visiting alien race - evaluating us as possible luncheon meat ingredients - while others believe that they were the original inhabitants of this planet, but got bored and dragged us here to amuse them.

I'm sorry, but you have to see them with your own eyes!

Several timeless prophecies suggest that bunnies may have a part in bringing about the end of the world, but anyone who has endeavoured to prove such prophecies true has vanished, leaving only red splotches and paw prints.

Known Facts

Diet includes kimchi, gaegogi, small children, and various forms of perfume (indeed, the whole point of this industry may be as a dietary supplement for these brutal beasts). The myth that bunnies love carrots is in actuality a fallacy as they are in fact allergic to the orange vegetable.

The vicious roar of the offensive bunny.

When ready to attack, the vicious bunny will let out an unspeakable roar that will paralyze even the most emotionally stable. No human can stand to hear the sound and live. So here it is!

There is currently no known way to defeat a bunny in mortal combat; they are immensely powerful and will also resort to many forms of dastardly tricks such as looking cute, twitching their noses, spunking in or a suckerpunch right to the face.

Little is known about the social life of a bunny; anyone who got close enough to get any reliable information was never seen again. (*Note* An exception to this is Harris "One Ear" McGuff, who no longer speaks of the 'incident' with these fluff-covered beasts. However, the accident is somewhat self-explanitory.)

Any who are bold enough to risk certain doom at the hands of these creatures of doom will surely receive a hero's reward when they reveal what fate the bunnies are planning for us all. A reward will be given to the person who destroy's the ever so evil bunny.

Killer Rabbits, a subclass better known as "wabbitus montypythus", make an even more dreadful adversary with two tails, five muscled legs and three sharp pointy teeth, while normal rabits only have four legs and two teeth. The result is a 63% more deadly killing machine.

Remember the unlockable jaw, used for instant decapitation, the lack of this information has let many a brave soul die!
Infant bunny shown in its instinctive 'kung fu attack mode'.
A sub subclass of Killer Rabbits is Fuzzy Woo Woos "wabbitus woolybuns", who sneak up on sleeping people and smother them with their heavy wool fur.
Fuzzy Woo Woos are especially deadly because of their ability to sneak about on soft wooly paws.

Despite the misleading name, Bunnyland has no bunnies.

Contrary to popular belief, bunnys are in fact a vegetable.

Rabbits' ears also act as air conditioning units and were commonly used in the Soviet Union to keep the home/shed cool. This is where the phrase "Cold as rabbit ears" orginated.


They were first discovered in the Far East around 2333 B.C. by the brilliant general Sun Tzu who was very impressed and wrote:

"So in war, Who ever can lure his enemy past the lair of the killer rabbit in the country of 'Morning calm' will be victorious" - Sun Tzu

Oprah Winfrey

It appears Oprah's original inspiration for world conquest appears to be from a bunny raid on her youthful playland Island of L'aard.

Wallace & Grommit in the curse of the Oh-So-Scary Were-Rabbit

The Were-Rabbit. If you live in Egypt, stay inside your rooms and play C64.

The ancient well-known history of the Were-Rabbit that took place in Egypt around 480 B.C. has now become a documentary. Wallace (Adam Sandler) is the pharao that pwnd a jazz-band that Adolf Hitler describes as a "Crappy Sons-Of-Bitches Motherfucking T-Shirt-Whigger Wannabes". Grommit (the male version of Britney Spears) is TEH Whigger-King that (almost) got to know George Bush. As Wallace is pimping himself, the Rabbit starts to attack.

Samir Amin (At that time he was a dictator, now he's your mom, REALLY!) wrote: "There is 2 different ways the Were-Rabbit can attack:

End of story!"

SPOILER: The movie ends with a nuclear bomb that's released over Peru.

Possible Defenses

If you are lucky enough to have some form of mythic weaponry available to you on an encounter with a bunny, it is highly recommended you use it without hesitation, as the bunny has lightning fast reflexes and usually goes right for your throat. Holy weapons in particular are believed to have good effect; holy machine guns, bazookas and hand grenades may theoretically be able to stop one of these terrors before many lives are lost.

With the full-scale industrialized production process of the Holy Hand Grenade by the Pope in the basements of the Vatican itself came an end to the reign of terror of the killer rabbit.

Holy hand grenades seem to be the only thing that can stop this devilish mammal except for maybe Keanu Reeves or Adam West.

A recent theory suggests that Bunnies may be dreadfully allergic to carrots, and as such, wearing a heavy grade suit of plate carrot armor may provide the extra few seconds of pre-mauling that might just let you get way. If you're lucky. Which you probably won't be. But feel free to try anyway, we- uh, I mean- the bunnies love a challenge!

Another theory is that the rabbit is really a species of llama that came to earth to eat people because of the food shortage on their planet of FaRmLAAnd. This theory states that the only way to rid oneself of the rabbit is to sing and hopefully distract it long enough to throw nearby objects at it. Please respond if this theory has worked, as so far no one has responded, we're guessing that it actually is a very bad theory.

Disclaimer

The author(s) of this article are not responsible for any personal losses resulting from the bunnies' response to your reading this article, and especially not the losses that would result if you were to actually go out and MEET a bunny!

The deceased photographers ask you not to try reproducing the pictures above. As it was, we had to scrape their remains of off the rather mangled cameras, and many of the best shots had teeth marks in them.

FLASHBACK: Jimmy Carter Attacked by Killer Rabbit


As the Bunnies continue to learn and evolve on our planet, they've developed a new weapon against Mankind - Were-Bunnyism. Bunnies born from 1928 and later have a new sort of retrovirus present in Bunny saliva that, when delivered to an open wound (through biting) infects the victim within 2-4 pecaseconds. The result is a horrible Man-Bunny hybrid that will roam the world, spreading his wretched disease to all he encounters.

The best known way to destroy a WereBunny is by shooting it through the heart with an Ice Javelin. This renders the WereBunny unconscious, and you can then dispose of the creature by removing its head with a silver-lined blessed scythe. The WereBunny will then explode into a cloud of flaming ashes.

Currently, there are no known treatments for werebunnyism aside from the aforementioned remedy. However, scientists are working diligently on creating a vaccine by killing bunnies en masse.

One of the most dreaded bunnies is named Stan. He is the one that steals all your quarters that you need for the laundry machines. Rumour has it that he is building a house out of them. He is also responsible for stealing pens and using them to poke unweary people on public busses.

See also

External links