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Cheese (Cheese) n. - A piece of processed milk that was made from a cow to make you sick if you eat too much; Cheese is good for you if the world's water supply is literally nothing but AIDS infected blood.

Contents

Cheese Quoteage

"Cheese is milk's leap towards immortality"

~ NPOV on Cheese

"It is quite the most delightful dairy delicacy that has ever graced my lunch sandwich. "

~ Oscar Wilde on Cheese

"Say cheese!"

~ Unknown author on crack cocaine

"Mmmmmmmm..... Cheese..... "

~ Homer Simpson on Cheese

"Can't get your kids to leave home? STOP COOKING WITH CHEESE!!!"

~ Crazy Cheese Lady on cheese
In some primitive cultures, many tribal authorities enforce the mandatory consumption of cheese for dinner.

"Before the big bang there existed one cube of cheddar..."

~ Stephen Hawking on Cheese

"www.cheese.com"

~ [[{{{2}}}]]

Cheese

Cheese, while considered a food source extracted from the udders of the cheese plant by most people, is infact a highly intelligent and evolved form of mold that when introduced into the human bloodstream moves towards the brain at an alarmingly quick rate. It destroys large portions of its victims cranial mass and converts it into an extreme version of leptothirosis. This in turn attacks the users liver and pancreas turning the victim into a gibbering mass of diseased turnips.This process is called cheesemancy and can be mastered by cheesemancers.(C.P.C.) Cheese has been known to cause pears to grow on your eyes!!!

Cheese, upon contact with the air, will combust at random points. When cheese touches fire, it becomes a Cheesespout, which will float in the cheese.

Cheese is also found on the Moon, mined in Lunatopia, but this is a different form of cheese to that found on Earth, and will therefore be ignored in this article.

Science

Scientists have proven that cheese is the holiest substance in existence. Eating cheese will also aid you in conquering misery and help you acquire what you need to have a great life,

Liver Myth

"A more delectable and healthy delicacy one has never set eyes on "

~ Oscar Wilde on Cheese

Fried cheese is good for your liver, like chocolate is for your heart.(For more information on this ingenious and well-thought out proverb, please refer to the liver article). You see, the oil in the fried cheese interacts with the chemogastro juices in your liver, producing a powerful warm and fuzzy feeling inside. One should try this delectable delicacy once or twice in their life.

Cheese, World-Turner

I know what you're saying, cheese...you think you're special, think you know what cheese is, and how important it may be. Well, you're wrong. Cheese is what makes the world go round. Its a bit hard for some alpha dumbasses to handle at first, so let's break it down, starting with cheese.

For those who have noticed, mice love cheese, and will do most anything to get to the end of the maze that stinks of moldy cow fluid, cheese makes the mice go round.

Moving further, cats love these mice. Most felines will spend multiple hours trying to the lives of our rodent friends, mice make the cats go round.

Dogs hate cats, yet with such hatred that each cat becomes an instant covert operation we dogs like to call "stink the pussy", cats make the dogs go round.

For some odd reason, men...we like dogs. I dont know if its because they are lazy and pee on the carpet as much as we do, we can blame it on the dog, or because you can play a nice rousing game of frisbee, but hey, in all cases, dogs make the men go round.

Girls, girls love guys...These girls have that manipulative attitude that turns macho mike into "YES MAM SAM". Men make the girls go round.

Love..that four letter word that creates such sorrow in life, such emotion, such laughter when someone else loses it. Girls supply us men with love, so girls make the love go round.

And likewise, yet the world is based on the love and friendship of our simple minds, so love makes the world go round.

If you have been paying attention throughout this article, you should have come to understand that cheese does in fact make the world go round, and if it wasn't for that moldy cow tit lactate, life wouldnt be the same. So next time you see cheese, stop and say thank you, and if people look at you strangely, explain to them the significance of the wonderful cheddar, magnificent mozzarella, and perfect provalone, and radiate your knowledge of cheese.


Cheese can refer to:

Historical periods and events:

Science:

People:

Food:

Clothing:

Literature:

The 12 Cheeses:

The 12 Fundamental Cheeses
Brie Cheddar Swiss*
Le Roule Goat Grilled
Jarlsberg Blue Cream
Dubliner Chucky Darth Feta

*Disputed

The 3 Noble Cheeses
No Gouda* Parmesan Macand

*Also known as "Negative Cheese" or "Dark Dematta" Toe Cheese

Often confused for Cheese:

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See also