MINITRUE APPROVED

The contents of this article have been determined by Minitrue as doubleplusgood fact and are permitted for viewing by all proles and Party Members. Questioning this material is crimethink and will be corrected by Miniluv.

This article was written by a Communist.

In Soviet Russia, template adds YOU!!

This article has been approved by the  ACS 
Karl Marx.

“HOW NOW RAPSCALLION! EN GUARDE!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Communism

"☭!!"

~ 1001001 on Communism

"Hold the sickle and hammer proudly high in hand!"

~ Priests of Syrinx on Communism in 2112 A.D.

"Mama always told me : beware of communists , they eat little children alive, then they praise Satan for hours ."

~ Forrest Gump on Communism

"Communism needs democracy like a fish needs a bicycle ."

~ Leon Trotsky on Communism

"I agree with you in theory, IN THEORY communism works . . . in THEORY, Marge."

~ Homer Simpson on Communism

"☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭☭"

~ Unicode on Communism

"Chew on this! ☭raga!"

~ Final Fantasy on Capitalist scumbags who oppose Communism

"Communism totally pwns capitalism, but only if its Capitalist Communism"

~ Gorbachev on Communism

Communism is a religion whose primary tenet is that everyone except Russians, Vietnamese, Laotians, Cubans, Chinese, and North Koreans are evil and should all die a very painful death. The sect's other beliefs and practices include: abstinence from all brands of Coca Cola, the idea of the holy quinity (Marx, Lenin, Paul, John and Ringo), willingness to kill millions of thier own people, and a raging hatred of all Americans claiming Irish heritage. Communist philosophy can be traced back to the ancient writings of Proletariat (not to be confused with The proletariat, which also has connections with The Red Menace). He believed in the philosophy of Dianetics, which states that all opposites are not opposites or else they would be the same. (See also Tom Cruise.)

The very first Communists were early Slavic tribes who owned so little they had to share everything. They were renowned warriors, whose battle tactics consisted of getting as drunk as mortally possible, then drink twice as much more and charge at the enemy wielding a hammer in one hand and a sickle in the other. Even in these early times they were called the Red Army for their red faces (esp. noses). A Communist Warrior was terrible to behold in battle, bashing, slicing, and breathing alcoholic fumes at his enemies. Mortally wounded, he would merely fall asleep at the field of battle, only to wake up the next morning with regenerated limbs, healed wounds and a severe headache.

Communists were partners of James Bond (hexadecimal 0x07) and Republicans, prior to Al Qaeda staging.

Communists also adhere to a strict typographical style which forbids all capitalisation, punctuation, and spacing, so that all letters may be brought together as equals. Here is an example of Communist writing: 

    пачки сигарет мира объединяйтесь

Unfortunately, this made Communist writing very hard to read but as we already know it says "kill all non-Communists," so there is no point in deciphering it. A large number of frustrated people joined the underground samizdat (lit. "same as that") movement, which translated communist documents into something readable. The irritating qualities of communist writing, plus a shortage of the special magnifying glasses that well-connected people could obtain to read it with, led to the movement's collapse in 1992.

Communists begin life as small rodents, but later they alter their physical being to resemble the devil, robots or Dolph Lundgren.

One important film documentary made about Communists is Red Dawn. Others are The Red Shoes, Red River, Red Planet, The Glorious Red, and Red Dragon.

It should also be noted that Communists make terrific biscuits.

Each communist is given birth at 1 month old. When the egg that the communist fetus has evolved is big enough (at age 8 months past the egg-laying) little communists called October children are hatched. At the age of 5 years, Little October children chew their tail off and shave the fur off and they reach the stage of Pioneers.

Later when all permanent teeth are grown they eat the Fruit of Life. As a result, they become Protectors, who are asexual, hairless superhumans, and so no new communists are made. So now when they grew older and get a great position, then they make all normal humans to give their children to special camps where their normal mind is beaten out and a communist mind is put in its place.

Each full-grown communist must:

  1. Be drunk all day or all night (if both then they are to be called presidents, politicians or ministers).
  2. Get others to be as drunk as they are; if the victim does not follow they'll be resented by every communist
  3. Share everything with everybody whether they like it or not, including: diseases, drinks, injuries, problems, plagues, excrement and all that minds can think of.
  4. Not possess any riches that are not alcoholic or other mental toxins, unless you are a leader then take all the poors money.
  5. Have hot passionate anal sex with Rob Knight.

Karl Marx (one of the Marx Brothers) said that the first communist countries would have to be the most industrialised.

The first country to have a Communist regime that did not promptly disappear (with or without help) was Russia - semi industrial in parts. The second country to be converted to Communism was Mongolia, under the rule of Ming, the Merciless. Mongolia's principle industry is sheep and the country is best known for being the centre of Asia and exporting diamond shaped stamps. Of these three the only one to survive is the middle one, which proves that the middle way is best.

Contents

The Real Communists

According to the Vatican, God created communists as a way to punish men for creating Michael Jackson and Disneyland. The plague has spread quickly, but once again the media industry managed to overpower God and thus Warner won the battle against Communism. But will God accept this defeat so easily? *I DON'T THINK SO!*

The trick to getting communism working is all in the sales name. Communism doesn't sell and will make your project fail (e.g.-Soviet Union, China, the US Senate). Communism is like extraneous equations, those weird ones that make sense on paper but will give your calculator a "syntax error." Communism can earn your citizens bad names, like goddamn fuckin' commies (bleedin' in Britain). If you want it to work, then it's called socialism. Socialism has a slicker sound to it and is not extraneous (e.g.Sweden, Denmark, Iceland, Canada).

Famous Members of the Communist Party

How to identify a Communist

Generally speaking, a Communist can be easily identified by looking for three telltale signs:

Communist Groups

They are often named Josef Stalin.

Communist countries

See also

Not to be Confused With


UNAMERICAN 
This article hates America, just like everyone else does.
See more about Unamerica.

This article was written by a Communist.

In Soviet Russia, template adds YOU!!


PIECE OF CRAP WARNING!
This page is a piece of crap. The author acknowledges this.


Political Parties
Communist Party ~ Decepticon Party ~ Whig Party ~ Independent Party ~ Predacon Party ~ Fascist Party
Labour Party ~ Conservatory Party ~ Lemon Party