Contents

On Crack

"No matter what they take from me, they can't take away MY DIGNITY!"

~ Whitney Houston on Crack

“Shit...I need some crack, bitch”

~ Oscar Wilde on Crack

"YOUVE GOT A CRACKISH WHORE MOUTH"

~ JAY S on Crack

"Always bet on CRACK!"

~ Wesley Snipes on Crack

"I want some CRACK!"

~ Tyrone Biggums on Crack

"Crack will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. We are Microsoft."

~ The Borg on crack

"Bush don't care about crack people."

~ Kanye West on Crack

"Hello to all you cracky people."

~ Droopy on Crack

"Haleluja!!!."

~ Jesus Christ on Crack

"LASERS! AND CRACK!."

~ Beekster on Crack
Crack in its purest form.

America's Sweetheart

Crack is an immensely popular recreational drug much used by the Boston upper classes during wild afternoon "tea-parties". Usually taken as a large suppository (hence the name), its effects range from mild nausea to what is termed "a full on menty" during which the user may laugh uncontrollably and may gorge themselves on slices of lightly buttered Battenburg-cake.

The first crack shipment was hidden in the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, where the crack is still visible to this day.

The only known serious side effects of crack are just good ol' harmless - sudden death, anal bleeding, and passing gas. Whilst these side effects are horrific it is important to recognise that several crack survivors have reportedly asserted that "Crack iz wack".

Contrary to common belief, placing one's foot on the substance will not cause the fracture of one's mother's vertebrae.

Crack is something that is sold by both drug dealers and prostitutes. The only difference is that a prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Let it be noted that many of these "crack dealers" refer to crack as pancakes, for pancakes is "street" for crack.

Crack is also traditionally consumed on St Patrick's Day owing to it's Irish roots. This is the origin of the phrase "Ah, it's yerself, so it is. Come join us for the crack!"

See also: Cocaine.

Decrackinated Crack

Decrackinated crack is a product for people who enjoy the great crack taste but don't like their genitals shrivelling and heart exploding. After protests and boycotts, some of the better effects of "regular" crack were reintroduced, such as profuse rectal bleeding.

Recent developments in psychopharmacological research have given rise to a commercially-available prescription derivative, methylparabolobencrackor-15, marketed under the name "Cractin." Subjects describe sensations of mild euphoria and greater ease in dealing with social situations, combined with a disembodied preoccupation with supermarkets.

Crack in it's purest form is a small round animal found usually under ones sofa. Once boiled, the crack turns into a white powder called "cocaine", which when correctly prepared, makes crack.

Crackinated Crack

Crackinated Crack came as a result of the before mentioned protests and boycotts. It is simply normal crack, with even more crack added. It's for those people enjoying their genitals shrivelling and heart and other various body parts exploding.

Crackinated Crack is also the prefered crack of choice of crackwhores, crack heads, crack fiends and crack babies.

Crack and Uncyclopedia

Uncyclopedists who spend many time editing general Areas and Objects of the mentioned Free &%cyclopedia (such as Main Page and Banners like "This is a Stub") or spend many efforts in order to achieve popularity in the Uncyclopedia Community, in many cases have an obsession with crack. This obsession actually is linked with the compulsive mention of the crack (in Uncyclopedia's texts), and most of these monothony syndrome victims who work as Uncyclopedists indeed have never even tasted crack. This verbal vomit of the word "crack" is an issue of many Language-versions of Uncyclopedia.

Alternate Meanings

May also be used as a reference to the area between the ass cheeks. Much beloved by British builders who use phrases such as "You're talking out of your crack". An interesting link between the two can be found in the act of saying to someone "Dude, you're doing crack", in reference to the said ass-crack.

May also refer to an unexpected, or undesired, partition in an otherwise flawless surface. Typically, upon aggravating a crack it will grow larger by absorbing your hateful energy. It may begin to exhibit characteristics which have only otherwise been known to exist in the Void, and grow exponentially large until it consumes the entire surface, and indeed at some point, you.

When I was a kid in Texas we had a tradition of burying family members near the house crouched in the sand with bum exposed so you had somewhere to park your bicycle. When you went in for dinner you always told dad that you had "cracked up" your bike.

In bygone days, elderly men were not infrequently known to employ the phrase "by cracky!" as an intensifier, usually with the concurrent brandishing of a stick, battered hat, or jug of moonshine. Ethnofolkolologists believe that this is a contraction of what was at one time an imperitive statement, to wit: "Bring me my crack!" [See George Clinton, "Bring Me My Funkin' Crack! (All Keyed Up!)"]

Talking Truth to Crack

Regardless of which definition is applicable, a belief in the many benefits of talking to it, the way you might talk to plants, is becoming more and more widespread. In particular, you are supposed to say "know" to it. Some say that this forms a three-way bond between you, the crack, and Omoikane, the Shinto god of knowledge. Even the skeptical will tell you there are some legitimate health benefits to this, ESPECIALLY if you pay them ten bucks to say so. 

on crack.


Discography

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This article was written while its author was smoking crack.

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