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April 16, 2006 16:59 UTC

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Easter Bunny Celebrates 1976th Birthday

Jerusalem, Israel -The Easter Bunny, the defining symbol of Christianity, celebrated his 1976th birthday amid much fanfare today. The Bunny was born in 30 A.D., precisely three days after Jesus' cruxifixion. He will eat an estimated 2 tons of eggs today.
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UnNews Announces Morse Code RSS feed

UnNews Secret Headquarters - UnNews Inc., a subsidiary of Uncyclopedia (ticker: UNC), proudly announced a state-of-the-art Morse Code RSS feed today. It is the first such feed in the world; although WikiNews promised to release theirs earlier this month, technical problems have plagued their project, delaying it for at least another year.
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Pope Gets Lost at Way of the Cross Procession

Rome, Italy - Newbie Benedict XVI makes embarassing wrong turn at the annual procession. Pilgrims wait anxiously as he uses Popephone to call for directions. Easter Sunday egg hunt in doubt.
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UnMedia

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This Week's Stock Tip:

Name: Generic Insults, Inc. (URMOM)

Price: $13.35 (delayed)

Recommendation: Sell/Short

Synopsis: Times have been hard on what is arguably the foundation of the modern humor industry. While the company's famous "Yo' Momma" and "Dead Baby" brand products have done very well this quarter among the 14-and-under demographics, their other products, such as the "Chuck Norris Fact" and related brands, have lost sales rapidly last quarter. Expect this company to dump at least another 10%.

Risk Level: High


Worldwide Forecast at a Glance:

  • In the Pacific Rim, it'll be warm then colder,... warmer,... warmer,... colder,... warmer,... oohhhh yeah you're red-hot, baby!!
  • For this coming windy weekend, expect some blowing here and there.
  • Forecast alert: Expect 30 to 40 tornadoes to pummel dowtown LA and Hollywood with dropping box office receipts.
  • In Brazil, a warm push is expected to cause overshooting tops, causing Rio to experience widespread mammatus.
  • In summary, expect light beer drizzles here and there.


Special Weather Report:

A pack of wild hurricanes were spotted trying to pose as typhoons.

Global Warming Indicator


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