Did You Know

...that this is the Did You Know page?
...that chicken said: What a stunning piece of shit!!! ?
...That there is such a word as torturous?
...That JPEG stands for Japanese Porn Erotic Graphic
...If God loves you so much why does he make you sit through torturous church?
...That there are 25 classifications of Hobos?
...God created Finland as a test of his masculinity?
...That subjectivity can actually be seen under a 25mm microscope on Wednesdays.
...That Deforestation is mainly caused by Vampires?
...that Barney the dinosaur was actually created by soviet russia during the cold war to destroy the capitilist scum
...that Bin Laden actually had a relationship with Stalin?
...that someone just didn't read you shouldn't misuse copyrights?
...that the Internet hobgoblin is first cousin to the troll?
...that devouring your neighbor's infant child is frowned upon in society?

...that 2006 is the year of the Bonsai Kitten?
...I like beans on five-avocado guacamole?
...that the landing on the moon was actually filmed in a film studio on Mars?
...that your lack of effort makes baby Jesus cry?
...that I am me. And you are you. And you are I. And I am too. But, somebody obscures my view of you. Really, who? Gérard Depardieu.
...that Lugiatm frequently fills Uncyclopedia with subliminAL messaGOREs?
...that Germans are bad?
...that no few ~~animals~~ children were ~~harmed~~ killed in the making of this ~~Wiki~~ hat?
...that writing "lol" after your comment doesn't automatically make it funny?
- ...actually, it does. LOL!?!!!?1!111!!?
...that I have 5 testicles?
...that Jesus can walk on water?
...that your love is my love?
- ...that no one loves you not?
  - ...that Jesus loves you, but everybody else thinks you're a dick?
...that grammar nazi's waist they're warlus alot?
...that Tina Fey is the greatest walrus Champion of all time?
...that Ric Flair is the ruler of Walrus?
...that I give a shit only after taking laxatives?

...that chocolate-flavoured Ex-Lax works spendidly?

...that maths teachers are plotting world domination by making you feel like complete idiots?
...that Spiderman has a small penis
...that if you cut a piece of cake in half, it has half the calories so you can have double as much?
...that Pheasant Pluckers arent pleasant phuckers
...that rape is extrovert masturbation?
...that Loke is the god or angel of Change Management depending on your view?
...that Nick Lewis is a Nazi at heart?
...that a bird in hand is better than crabs in bush?
...that the Russian word for 'God' is 'Christopher Walken'?
...that Vin Diesel recently became his own country?
...that Vin Diesel also defeated Darth vader single handedly without a lightsaber?
...that you are some son of a female dog?
...that whoever wrote the "son of a femmale dog" comment daren't write the "b" word?
...that neither do you, b****!!
...I.C. York-Hunt looks just like Mike Hunt?
...I.C. York-Hunt and raise you one Hugh G. Rection?
...Mr. Wizard is a liar?
...you are just wasting your life with the person you are with. They are dragging you down.

...that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance ?

...that in Soviet Russia, the fool pities you!
...that Dorset is actually in Weymouth and not vice versa?
...that the Highway to Hell is on the Roadmap for Peace?
...that there's an I in win and U in suck?
...that oldthinkers unbellyfeel Unped?
...that Encydram and Wikped are doubleplusungood crimethinks?
...that Sophia is watching you?
...that in July 1966, David St. Hubbins caused a backlash against Spinal Tap, when he claimed during an interview that The Church of the Subgenius was dying, quipping that Spinal Tap was "more popular than JR "Bob" Dobbs?"
...I fill me balls upup.
...Greenpeace is a very warlike group of terrorist polluters?
...we tried to do some - thing - neeeew? And it may sound real good, but I don't think we're getting through?
...James Bond fought for our freedom on numerous occasions, yet not one single day is set aside in his honor?
...as you get older, the penis get shorter?
...that the creation of Emo bands effectively signaled the second Fall of Man?
...the shampoo adverts were lying, you are in fact not worth it.
...the movie Mars Attacks was actually a Public Service Announcement transmitted from the future to the present to educate us on how to deal with extraterrestial invasion?
...that the creamiest milk, the whitest bar, the good taste thats in Milky Bar was actually paraphrased from a much more disturbing (and incriminating) inaugraual speech by Richard Nixon?
...the day goes downhill from here?
...that when France was discovered by the English in 1326, they sent it back, demanding that "they put some bloody ketchup on it"?
...that in Soviet Russia, only forest fires can prevent you?
...that Uncyclopedia is big and you're small, it's smart and you're dumb, it's right and you're wrong and there's nothing you can do about it.
...that the next statement is true.
...that the previous statement is false.
...that it's because of people like you that there's no more kittens alive in the world.
...that there are at least three other businesses like showbusiness, as proved by Al Gore in 1976?
...that reading 'Did You Know' is responsible for 45% of all known cancer cases?
...that reading the 'that' after the 'Did You Know' is responsible for 55% of all known cancer cases?
...Anonymous does not forgive?
...that when you assume you make an Ass out of U and ME?
...that when you assume, you also just make an Assu out of me?
...that making assumptions makes an ass out of u and...mumptions?
...that when you assassinate, you make two asses out of I and Nate?
...I'm moist?
...Led Zeppelin`s drummer was actually Yoda or Darth Vader (as Obi-Wan Kenobi said)?
...SpongeBob Squarepants is actually a cartoon adaptation of the Ronald Reagan presidency?
...it is better to have loved and lost than to have lost and found?
...Fritz Alain won so many awards for teaching Ancient Russian?
...it is a really bad idea to tie a shopping cart to a bicycle?
...it is a really bad idea to ride a bicycle tied to a moving automobile?
...tin cans, with a string stretched between them, were invented in 1810 by Al Gore?
...how many lawyers it took to screw in a light bulb?
...that the above number is surprisingly higher than you think?
...a fart smells worse in the heat of summer?
...that they also smell worse in humidity?
...people in New York change careers as often as their underwear?
...people in New York don't change their underwear?
...people in New York don't know the difference between software and underwear?
...the body of Jimmy Hoffa, dressed in womens clothing, was found in a Tucson basement?
...June is National Boycott Websites that Insult Their Contributors Month? See ya in July, asswipe!
...elastic was invented by Adolph Hitler?
...that more 200,000 people die every year of papercuts?
...that your liver tastes good with Chianti?
...Rosie O'Donnell's favorite insult is "lard-bottom face"?
...journey only appears to have eight letters?
...that I tawt I taw a putty tat?
...that you did, you did, you did taw a putty tat?
...that horses are conspiring to take over the world?
...where your children were at 11 PM last night?
...that God made children so fucking annoying on purpose so people wouldn't have too many of them?
...that you don't catch a cold but a cold catches you?
...that the world's largest collection of postage stamps belongs to movie director Steven Spielberg, who has eight?
...that voles are immortal?
...in 1804, Lewis and Clark set forth across America only to discover... themselves?
...all the evil people in Star Wars have a British accent?
...Sneezing in the right way can blow your brain through your nose ?
...Everything causes cancer?
...An accountant's bean counter is an actuary?
...Soylent Green is brown?
...Barbie dismembered Ken's penis?
...Chuck Norris once saved an entire town from evil ninjas just by using SCIENCE?
...A Pricing Analyst is the world's third oldest profession, right after the whore and the pimp?
...Mr. T wanted to be an Irish dancer?
...Breast implants can develop a psychic life of their own ?
...My penis is bigger than yours?
...The above entry has proven to be incorrect?
...Actually the above is wrong, I have the larger penis?
...that I have the largest penis out of all these people?
...Not anymore! That's gotta smart...
...Pope is really alive and being taught by Elvis how to sing at Monastery of Christ in the Desert, South of France ?
...that I'm under your desk right now?
...that my other ride is your mom?
...that, according to Steven Tyler, a reason for losing your mind sure can be the fact of going crazy?

...that Elvis assassinated JFK with his partner in crime, the Lindbergh baby?
...the cocktail was first invented when someone accidentally drank a petrol bomb?
...that cocks do not have tails?
...Jesus really is a gay Mexican?
...that your wife is cheating on you with the pool boy?
...that Billy Joel is an accredited driving instructor?
...that the toaster was invented by accident by a piece of bread which attempted to commit suicide?
...that Vincent Van Gogh was the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous?
...that JFK was assassinated over 12 times, including the recently documented metroid assassination?
...that when a man and a woman love each other very very much they created babies?
...that you can use old motor oil to fertilise your lawn?
...that although Gridley Bryant invented many railroad technologies in the 1820s, he never wrote any of the Thomas the Tank Engine books?
...that Beaver College changed its name to Flange College because it "too often misled wildlife conservationists"?
...that the protagonist of Alexandre Dumas' The Knight of Sainte-Hermine had a pivotal encounter with Horatio Nelson during a bout of Tourette's Syndrome?
...in a pinch, hydrogen peroxide can be substituted for alcohol in most cocktails?
...nobody is going to read anything below this point?
...shit?
...a coping saw is used to overcome weight loss, alcoholism, and gambling addictions?
...polar bears are allergic to napalm?
...jumbo jets cannot fly unless they are painted white?
...David Duchovny owns more salt marsh real estate than Andrew Lloyd Webber?
...all trees speak, but only some people hear them?
...pop singer Bruce Hornsbyandtherange's real name is simply Bruce Hornsbyandth?
...Tony Blair is actually green?
...Anti-pesticidal maniacs are responsible for the extinction of on average six species of insect every day?
...common sense is not all that common?
...the maximum number of cats you can juggle is fourteen, after which you can juggle no more?
...the Sun God's gift of cancer is honourable?
...the construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza was twice halted because the builders ran out of Lego?
...some species of turtle are remarkably resistant to centrifugal force, and can reach upwards of 5000 rpm before their wee little flippers fall off?
...accidentally killing a midget is good luck?
...that in 1994 "You didn't say the Magic Word" by the Nedrys was Number #1?
...deliberately killing a midget is good sport?
...that Helium was invented by the Nazi scientists during World War II as a central strategy for their 98th Balloon Inflaters Infantry?
...and that the 99th high pitched voice infantry was used to scare out the leprechaun army of Ireland.
...Afghanistan's primary export, after hard drugs, is dental floss?
...if you stand up in the next three minutes, I will kill you?
...Bob Dylan is joining a Derbyshire based folk jazz band called the Gee bee Jazz Foundation?
...Bon-bons in large quantities have enough power to fuel a jumbo jet for 8 days?
...Mussolini's favourite film was Land Before Time IV?
...Tolstoy had to completely rewrite his manuscript for War and Peace when his hard drive crashed?
...for every sixteen breaths you take, Sting earns a million dollars?
...you don't know Jack, but Jack most certainly knows you.
...If you have a pimple, it will turn into a mole. Soon enough It will cause cancer.
...Paula Abdul is a pirate?
...Due to its evil Planet Rupert is invisible to anyone who is pure of heart.
...that two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left?
...that ^ they watch too many cartoons?
...and that four lefts make a circle?
...that Bambi's surname is Smith?
...that at the moment, I'm not wearing any pants?
...several wild alligators are eating someone alive right now!
...Paul Newman has a club foot?
...All wooden legs are sold with a kickstand?
...When in doubt PEEL OUT?
...Linda Tripp is married to Lisa Loeb?
...there is a town in Michigan where more than fifteen people are named Mark Allan and they all share a liver?
...Madison Heights is the name of that town?
...You smell?
...Jesus had a pet dinosaur T-Rex.
...Jack?
...Men don't exist
... That you're a damned dirty ape!
...That the United States is set to implode in 2002?
...That the Moon will actually explode in 1967?
...Bill Clinton is actually a robot that Hilliary Clinton invented?
...Sponge Bob Square Pants is actually a form of contraceptive?
...Eric Clapton is both a guitar and a horse?
...The olympics discontinued use of shot puts in 1845 and instead replaced them with fetuses?
...M.C. Hammer is the president of Malaysia?
...Tom Cruise is the prime minister of Michigan?
...that questions end in question marks? Not with periods. Or exclaimation points!
...this page is too long?
...That we're much better than Were You Aware, Didst Thou Ken, and DidYouKnowYourName?
...That Sperm Whales can impregnant everything, including other males?
...That Michael Moore is actually a potato shaped like Rhode Island?
...That God created humanity because Bill Gates called him a faggot?
...That the United States was the first country to adopt a mandatory abortion law?
...That Europe actually hates the US because we invented candy bars?

...that after Fantasy Island, that guy who yelled "Da plane, da plane !" would return to his native Iraq to serve government official Dr. Asiphus Al Hussein ?

...That Shaq is the president of the moon and regularly visits Richard Nixon?
...That J.F.K. was evil
...That Rosie O'Donnell is actually just a giant lesbian meatloaf?
...That all your base are belong to us?
...the world is NOT actually your oyster, it belongs to ME - ALL MINE!!
...that Baby Jesus cries every time Limp Bizkit comes out with another album?
...being as clean as a wisel is not that clean, u dont know who's lips have been on it.
...that editing this page makes you unable to spel commun werds lyke "wisel" and "u".
...that by merely reading this page you will cause your reading skeelz tu dee-tee-reee-oh-rayte uhn-teel yadf zasklj bawerl?
...there is a video tape. If you watch it then your brother will record over it in seven days.
...what I did last summer?
...your neighbour can hear you at night ?
...or not ?
...that 85.32847294249% of all statistics are made up?
...BURRICANE lives in Peru and its name is J....?
...that the ~~authors of Pl:~~ countless 12 year olds invading the internet are in actuality Boring idiots who cant write in english ?
...that you touch yourself at night?
.....that the flooding of New Orleans was actually caused by a suicide plumber?
...That this sentence isnt here?
...That I just saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Geico?
...That you're my hero?
...That its been three minutes, you can stand now!
...that when I unbuckle my Trousers of Justice, I unleash the purple-veined Sword of Truth?
...that most superheroes wish they were working part-time? Quality day-care is hard to find these days.
...that Spiderman descended from a family of Vietnamese seamstresses?

..that at Four O'Clock all the honest politicians will shrink down to two feet ?

...that encoded into the dot of the "i" in the well-known phrase "Tesco - Every Little Helps" is a carefully worded contract binding your soul and all earthly estate to the will of Beezlebub, our Dark Lord and Master?
...that the jungle used in “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here” is actually Margaret Thatcher’s wispy bush, mangnified by the latest in digital technology?
...that the popular online game ZZT was actually invented in 1943 by Japanese scientists as an interrogation device? Moreover, did you know that it had a nausea inducement rate of 97% in early trials?
...that when you play the album 'The Last Tour on Earth' by Marilyn Manson backwards you can actually hear the voice of Jesus spreading the gospel?
... you are a bee with an itch
... the muffin man?
... that i put the holes in your cheese!?
... that everybody loves you, baby. We're all going England crazy.
... that I have the biggest penis? And the smallest hands?
... ^ actually has a tiny penis and huge hands? Ladys don't be fooled.
... that dialling 0800 INTESTINAL TRACT will get you the direct line to Tescos'

cuisine preparation manager?

... how many bullets I fired? Was it six or only five? Because in all this excitement, I kinda lost track.
... that Mike Wilson has been done
...that all that glitters is gold ?
- ...that only shooting stars break the mold?
...that you can have your cake and eat it too ? (I'm having some right now)
...that life is a sexualy transmitted disease?
...that Cindy Sheehan's boyfriend is Barney's stunt double?
...that she eats carrots now, isnt that tragic!
...that rock band Nickelback pays royalties each year to the Republic of Nickelback X?
...that 1 out of every 13 people will die in a waterbed fire?
...that WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, and that IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH?
...that This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man's number. His number is 666.
...that you did not know this?
...that you did not know this either?
...that this statement is false?
...that Russell Peters is funny and I'm not?
...that you aren't either?
...that Bill Gates has a good reason to name his company MicroSoft?
...that he named it that because it describes his penis?
...that you should name your company NanoSoft?
...that micro- means one millionth and nano- means one billionth?
...that in the long run, both mean tiny?
...that I'm the last Prophet of God?
...that I'm never wrong?
...that we're all going to die?
...that that ^ was true?
...that the only way I'm ever wrong is if you defy law and make an immortal potion?
...that drinking mercury makes you immortal?
...that ^ was sarcasm?
...shit?
...that Oceania is at war with Eurasia (it has always been at war with Eurasia)?
...that ^ is two minutes out of date? Oceania is at war with Eastasia, fool!
...that 2 out of 1 people are stupid?
...that the other 1 out of 2 people are retarded?
...that I'm not a person?
...that if I'm not a person, then I'm neither stupid nor retarded?
...that you didn't because you are stupid and/or retarded?
...that you can't be stupid AND retarded?
...that you actually can?
...when God was Born?
...I don't either?
...Phil the mechanic has the keys to my garage?
...that 75% of all Did you knows are made by 12-year-old bedwetters? - Hey shut up man, you're not playing the game. - You shut up! - No you shut up! - Look, all of you just shut up!
...that 43.5% of all statistics are made up?
...that I'm not a bedwetter?
...that actually I lied. I am.
...that the other 67.5% of all statistics are maintained by Bill Gates?
...that BG is the only person who has the money to change 43.5+56.5=100 to 43.5+67.5=111?
...that ^ is part of the 43.5% of statistics that are made up?
...that the one above this one is part of the (cough)67.5% that are maintained by Gates?
...that ^ is false?
...that this statistic is false?
...that you are sexy?
...that ^ was sarcasm?
...that you would look better with the paper bag on your face?
...that ^ was sarcasm - Oh wait, it WASN'T!
...that everyone who puts ^ in their Did You Knows needs to shut up?..........*Silence*
...that the guy from Green Day stole my gothic sister's makeup?
...that ^ he stole her panties too?
...that you have the right to remain silent, and that anything you say can and will be used against you?
...that Michael Moore plays the xylophone?
...that in the criminal justice system the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: The police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and that these are their stories, doink doink?
...if you hit me at 40 mph there is an 80% chance that I'll die?
...if you hit me at 30 mph there is an 80% chance I'll live?
...if you hit me at 88 mph we'll go Back to the Future!
...that this is not a rhetorical question?
...that Billie Jean is his lover and Michael Jackson is the one and the kid is his son?
...that not many people find the fine print to be fine with them
...that suicide bombers are a bunch of show offs
...that even guys with girlfriends fool around with their exs just because they're not getting any
...that you are likely to be eaten by a Grue?
...that jessica krause is hotttt
...that brendan is the most gorgeous boy ever
...that I'm not brendan
...that I'm fucking you right now?
...that I love Megan Lee?
...that I don't even know who the fuck Megan Lee is?
...that Megan Lee is an unperson?
...that you are an unperson too?
...that the Thought Police are on their way?
...that shit I can't think of anything to say!
...that I grant you one wish?
...that I didn't? Arrgghh... what to wish for... what to wish for... FUCK I WISH I KNEW WHAT TO WISH FOR!
...that your wish is granted and you can't wish again?
...that I do not regret that?
...that I do not regret that because now the next time I get a wish I know what to wish for?
...that you will not get another wish?
...that I am hanging myself as I type?
...that galgajlghataw
...that ^ croaked?
...that you are excellent and/or perfect?
...that there's no such thing?
...that doing drugs turns your brain into Seattle
...that qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm is doubleplusungood crimethink?
...that drinking is bad for your liver but good for your soul?
...that if you have a healthy soul you'll go to heaven?
...that we are having a drinking party right now! Strip Poker anyone?
...that I drank 0.8 whateverthey'recalleds of alcohol?
...that you're in my car?
...that- *crash*
...that in mother Russia, the fool pities you!
...that Jesusland is NOT a theme park
...that Nicaragua is the mecha of mercenaries?
...that I shot JFK?
...that - OOPS! - I accidentally killed you?
...that the Romans are currently looking for the one they call Spartacus?

...that I am Spartacus?

...no, that I am Spartacus?

...silence...I am Spartacus?

...Only one of these men is the real Spartacus - the other two are imposters. Panel, read along with me, if you will: "I am Spartacus. I was born and raised as a slave. In 73 BC I led a historic slave rebellion against the Roman upper-class. Our battle against the Roman legions, became known as the Third Servile War. Signed Spartacus."

...that my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius - father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next?
... that my name is also Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius - father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and that's when I called Claims Direct?

...that my name is Biggus Dickus, and I rank highly in Rome!
...that this may be our last chance to use indented bullet points before EvilZak gets back from vacation?

...that we better make the most of it while we can?

...that we'll make the bullet points undent rather than indent, before this all gets too silly?

...that I'll be Spartacus too, if you want?

...that I'm the Real Slim Shady?

...that he's Spartacus?

...that Spartacus can dance if he wants to?

...that I'm running out of ideas for DYKs?

...that the Uncyclopedia, like any computer, needs more registers, and you can help?
....that if you keep asking "are we there yet" you will never 'get there'?
....that if you rub a certain 'magic lamp', a white 'genie' will come out?
...that while you are reading this, there will be at least 1 rat within a metre of you?
...that this is also true even if you are on an aeroplane?
...that its best just to not think about it all?
...that most 'dust' is made up of shed skin cells?
...that this^ means that we're living in our own filth?
...that the whistles go WHOOO!?
...that? I didnt think so
...that you can mix water with anything. Apart from milk
...that you can mix milk with anything? Apart from water.

...that I dont wanna talk about it anymore?

...that i think were gonna make it?

...that sheep like Buck Rogers?

...a biker drove to Byker Grove?

...that a byker grove to biker drove?

...that something died in my pants last night?
... that according to Sartre, when you die you are the sum total of all the choices you made, so you might want to reconsider sleeping with your cousin?
That i am you like you are the person behind you, like they are me... yes i am you and you are me!
... that i have a bad feeling about this?
... that there aren't enough Oscar Wilde quotes?

In Soviet Russia

...Sun light keeps people awake at night
...I like beans on five-avocado guacamole knows you!
...your lack of effort makes baby Jesus cry knows you!
...I am me. And you are you. And you are I. And I am too. But, somebody obscures my view of you. Really, who? Gérard Depardieu knows you!
...Lugiatm frequently fills Uncyclopedia with subliminAL messaGOREs knows you!
...Germans are bad knows you!
...no few ~~animals~~ children were ~~harmed~~ killed in the making of this ~~Wiki~~ hat knows you!
...writing "lol" after your comment doesn't automatically make it funny knows you!
...listening to Emo music doesn't make you Fully Hectic knows you!
...that Chickaty China the Chinese Chicken and if you have a drumstick your brain starts tickin!
...she sells sea shells on the sea shore, but surely the sea shells arn't worth sellin cos sea shells from the sea surely sell only to Shelly.
...that on every sunday a litre of piss must be donated to the local orphanage
...that this is all your fault?

...that we've run out of bullet points?

that we've also run out of those sets of three dot thingies stuck together?

tht w'v ls rn t f vwls?

',?

Did You Know

In Soviet Russia

See Also

Uncyclopedia