The Easter Bunny (Oryctolagus nonsensicus) can refer to either the head easter bunny, Theodore Easter Bunny, or his many children/minions. Scientists and Christians alike, have never questioned their ability to not only produce huge quantities of eggs every Easter, but that they manage to colour and distribute them to millions of children all over the world.

Some others believe that there is no Easter bunny, but these beliefs are scoffed at and looked down upon by the greater scientific community.

All agree that is impossible to have exactly two bunnies and no more, at least not if they’re an opposite-sex pair.

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The Easter Bunny died for your sins

It is widely believed that in 33 A.C., the Easter Bunny was crucified for the sins of the world, to be reincarnated as the all-powerful, omnipotent super bunny. These powers imply super speed, strength, and the ablity to lay pastel-colored eggs. This is however, nothing but a vicious and slanderous rumour spread by Jehovas Witnesses to indoctrinate innocents into their cult. The real origins of the Easter Bunny are far more sinister.

Somebunny evil?

All Easter Bunnies serve Theodore Easter Bunny, son of Cedric Easter and Angelina Bunny, nephew of Oswald Bunny, who slew the Dreaded Beast of Gwynhamald.

Theodore rules Easter Island with his really large family and is a pretender to inheriting the Playboy Bunny fortune. His rule has been very harsh and occasionally genocidal, the only brave enough to oppose him being Tim the Enchanter of holy hand grenade fame.

Theodore [Or Theo] was born one fall morning in 1960 in the small town of Sassafras in Jersey. By all accounts he grew up a happy playful and cute bunny until a freak discharge of pure evil from a local [[Hello kitty] factory mutated both his body and mind, causing him to travel to and take over Easter Island, enslave its populace and bulid an army of obediant minions who refer to themselves as The Cute Army.

There is wild speculation as to the origin of these rabbit minions although most signs point to the village of Pysanka just downwind from Chernobyl.

Some think that there is an entire species of egg-laying stealth rabbits, which would account for the Easter bunny's apparent ability to visit millions of houses in one morning, in a manner much like Santa Claus. Others speculate that it may be one genetically altered rabbit created by the mad scientist Bill Cosby in the early 1200's. Either way every year Theodore sends his minions out to distribute and hide millions of inncubated bunny eggs all over the world (excepting Pakistan)with the intention that apon hatching, a wave of killer bunnies will sweep the globe, destroying the human populace. Fortunately the powerful chocolate industry, seeing Theodore as a threat, and led by his arch rival Jazz Jackrabbit has managed, through subliminal advertising to convince thousands of children to hunt for and destroy these eveil chocolate bunnyspawn.


Fun Easter Bunny Facts

How Easter Eggs are made. You don't want to know how the chocolate ones are made.

Facts about the Easter Bunny you might or might not care about:


What Oscar Wilde Has to Say About The Easter Bunny

“Who are you people? Where am I?”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Easter Bunny

for further reading: Oscar Wilde: 'The Silence of the Rabbits'

See also