"In Soviet Russia, English speaks you! Wait no they don't."
~ American Russian reversal on English
Cor Blimey! English done been spoke ferra long time these parts. Dis 'ere English language, it dates back quite a ways I 'xpect. What with all dem litriture and bookins and telematalkins. It's done been laced itsouwf wit' 'istory, buncha La'in an' Greek words, mostly. And a lotta French and Anglo-Saxon too fa' good mezhur'.
'S tha primary linguality of places like 'ere, and some over dere, right where I'm pointin', y'see? Y'see it? Righ' there ... them's langwidge, i'is. All theese symbological lettermajigs all rearrangin', strung up like Chris'mus popcorn, imitatin' phonetics. 'oles and needles. Spoken by 'umans.
'S a Germanic language's what dey say. I dunno 'bout 'em. But, English, righ'ah, 'em is tha righ' direct 'appenin's. English 'ow we speak it righ'.
Righ' nah. All theese words. Righ' nah. "Pullin' things' outa ya arse an' gettin' markd on how 'ard ya pull"
Contents |
English Today
ENGLAND IS A BLOODY RUFFELMONSTER AND ITS BIG TOO, BLIMEY. Blimey! It's borin' an' all tha' malarky, but it ain' really in Mr. C's English class! Especially today, when we did improve actin' wiv' a rahndom subject.
English is currently tha 103rd most spoken lahngwidge in tha worwd. Tha Yooni'ed States of Ameri'a spoke English for a big many years, un'il tha little urchin's began ta realise tha' unstruc'ured grammar an' of'en illogicuhl spellin'. Thus, tha' Ameri'an language was born - not ta' be confyused with real English like Ahm speakin' at tha' momen', Guv. Them urchin's was fools; while tha spelling of English words was seriously odd, tha grammar was trooly astoundin'. Tha' English lahnguage was so powerful, it's known ta' destroy trees, collapse minds, crush souls an' very rarely open cereal boxxiz and no mistake!
Af'er English ceased to be spoken in tha' U.S., tha' Ameri'ans adap'ed tha' Bulgarian language an' tha' Ameri'an lahngwidge as deir offishul spo'en lahngwidges. This cowrsed sevrul problems with economy, an' woidespread illi'eracy. Therefwore, tha' Americans chose Mandarin Chinese as deir official language. This inevi'ably led ta tha' Hungarian lahnwidge imperialism movemen', curren'ly inactive because av' rela'ively woidespread ac'ivities including kitten huffing.
Common English Phrases and Deir Meanings
- She sells seashells at Chelsey and shall call all tall callboys —Bussy as 'oo you 'ell.
- "'E's a right toff and no mistake" —Dat gentleman is remarkable given 'is apparently upper class nature.
- "Strike a light, guvnor" —I do exclaim dat you must provide me wit a greater understanding of da subject matter, o person of apparently 'igher social class dan myself.
- "Shake a leg" —Let us make great 'aste and speed.
- "Cor Blimey" —Dat is a remarkable occurrence, and worty of note.
- "Sick as a parrot" —I am unwell at this time.
- "Wot da H-to-da-izzell?" —Oy, wot's your problem, mate?
- "Bag pula in mata" —Let us make great 'aste and speed.
- "Bluddy 'ell..." — Hurrah! Y'know, an ecks-cla-may-shion of jollies an' cheer.
Dialects
Blimey! English suffers from a numbah of incompr'ensible dialec's. None of these is a language in its own roigh' since it does not possess a discrete vocabulary. And tha' Queen said so and no mistake!
American is considered ta be a very close rela'ive ta English.
See also
- Engliqs
- Engrish
- Correct English
- English with a Swedish accent
- Drunken English
- Weebl and Bob
This article has ended. Cheerio!!!
External links
- The Invention of the English by David Erik Nelson
- The Adventures of Weebl and Bob by Weebl, although sometimes Bob