“Oh my, It's so long!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Giraffe

"Kanye West doesn't care about giraffes"

~ George W. Bush on Giraffe

Contents

Giraffe

Alan Smith, warming up before another dreadful performance

The primary language of giraffes is binary, but some giraffes have been known to be fluent in English, French, Street, Mime, and of course, the language of love: Welsh.

The most famous giraffe of all time is the Man Utd player Alan Smith who was the first giraffe to gain legal citizenship to a predominantly white country. Alan Smith is also famous for his invention of the colour green.

The largest natural cause of deaths in giraffes is lightning. Their large height makes them vulnerable in lightning storms, but also means they can pick up radio transmission from distances of up to 700 miles away.

Giraffismatron is the study of giraffes and giraffe-shaped objects, and is Hull University's most applied for degree course.

Origin of the Giraffe

Nobody really knows the origin of the giraffe, though some people believe that giraffes did not evolve into existance, but produced in a lab experiment that went wrong. Nobody knows why the giraffe doesn't just correct the mistakes of man by killing themselves, or why the creators of the giraffes didn't do further tests on the giraffes before letting them go, but more and more people believe that giraffes should have equal rights to men, or at least women.

Not knowing their life's purpose, the giraffes roam throughout Africa, trying to find some meaning. Some giraffes decided to forget about that and moved to zoos where they watch fat white people all day for their own amusement.

History

The giant squid had no chance against the giraffe

Giraffes almost became extinct in 1953 due to the 5 year ice-age that prevailed. The population was halved by 1954. Luckily, due to the invention of the turtle neck in 1955, the population levels stabalised at 10,000 and have risen since.

The future of giraffes was put to the test when Noah would not let any of them into his ark. They managed to cut a deal with the unicorns, who traded 2 of their 6 places for an ancient giraffe cookie recipe. Of course, after the flood, the giraffes eliminated the unicorn species, in order to keep their recipe safe, which is still a well kept secret to this day. Giraffes are the only animal, apart from humans, that have wiped out an entire species of animal for entertainment purposes (the wooly mamoth in 1823 and the giant squid in 1967)

Lifestyle

Giraffes are well-known for their conversational skills and their love of sudoku. They also enjoy many quiz shows, including Deal Or No Deal and The Weakest Link. Giraffes are also great philosophers, coming up with great theories, such as 100101011011101011, and not forgetting 0010101000111010111. Giraffes are mainly pacifists, but have been known recently to start riots due to an annoying rise in reality TV shows. The only possibility of calming them down is the so-called Nockerl therapy by Freud, which is being touched by an Austrian girl.