NOT SAFE FOR WORK
The article you are looking at may not be work safe!
If a boss or coworker saw this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are sated.

A girl is a type of animal, well suited as pets. They are however often high maintenance, and not nearly as docile as sheep. It is basically a mutation of a boy, only a lot weirder.

Girls consist of at least 30% spice, which can make them extremely hot, but also very evil.

When mixed with water they may get wet, which according to most males is the best condition to keep them in, even though as a permanent state it's obviously uncomfortable.

The rest is mostly sugar (which makes them sweet and fun to eat) although for calorie-reduced diets saccharine or aspartame may be substituted.

Those with diabetes are doomed to die of them.

You will never get girls. Your friends will get girls and brag how great they were whether in bed or making out with. You will want to get girls so you can have sex and not be a star wars nerdy virgin the rest of your life. You will want girls for emotional support but girls really don't care about all that crap, although they give you the impression they do. All girls are sluts, hoes, whores, etc. All girls will have sex, say they regretted it, but eventually do it again, again, and again X infinity. Girls will date ugly guys, marry uglier ones, and have sex with the ugliest. Therefore, if your not ugly, you = screwed in the women department. But besides, who needs lice infested, crab carrying, snake in the grass backstabbers anyway.

Contents

Proof girls are evil

Some time around 1389, it was discoverered by Stephanie Antunes that Girls are Evil. The proof is as follows:

Some theorists counter that the premise of this argument is flawed: Girls do not equal time and money, but rather consume both insatiably. The consequences of the deduction that a girl survives on a diet of pure evil are uncertain. However, there is statistical evidence that you are what you eat. Further theories argue the argument is more fundamentally flawed: Girls do not equal time times money but time plus money. However this calculation is just as reliable as the original for when Womem=Women Money=0, and thus Time=0 (hence the phrases "you'll be the death of me","when women rule the world" and "Oh, dear god, not the cheese grater") and 0+0=0x0 anyway.

Soppy romantics argue that the girl provides a balancing force in the universe, melting away the evil generated by everybody else. The sobering alternative is that guys, parents and other victims of the girl are forced to generate vast quantities of evil in order to keep their girls 'fed', and thus girls provide a clear motive for General Evilness. In neither case is the girl herself evil, excepting of course if she be wherewolf or vampire. Woman vs Man Of course, only 99.56 percent of girls adhere to the formula, the other 0.44 percent either adhere to no formula or are not evil (however, this breed is only 0.69 percent of all girls).

“Treat a girl like dirt, and she'll stick to you like mud.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Girls

Girls and the Internet

It is a well known and researched fact that girls do not use the Internet. This is not to say that they can’t use the Internet, because that would be sexist. If you meet somebody online that claims to be a girl, always assume that you are talking to another man. Always.

Some scientists have pointed to myspace and xanga as a counter-evidence. However, what appears to be young annoying girls on those sites are really transexual men and police officers. Of course, one should also note that a large number of women "use" the internet indirectly through their pimp daddies and porn studios.

Recent surveys & poll results

See also