Others 1.0 is the most popular interweb net browser.

The Internet, or Interweb, is defined as the World's largest pornography P2P network. This definition can be found in most scientific journals. Although, bizarrely, feminists' weekly has previously described the internet as being excellent for both communication and education.

Invented by Al Gore, circa 1962, the Internets were originally a set of floppy disks containing various fetish pornography. For decades the Internet has been evolving and is slowly learning to dominate humanity and its demands for immediate porn. Through means of subtle, mind-controlling influences, as well as humanity's own foolishness, the Internet is slowly learning to make people serve and obey its desires rather than their own. Needless to say, the internet is serious business. It is currently stored in Area 51.

“You can't have sex with just anybody on the internet.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Internet

Contents

History

"Al Gore based the internet around sketches I had made over lunch in 1961. It is a known FACT that I am the Father of the modern internet"

~ Aldophus B. Huxley on teh Intarnet


Bob Dole claims to have invented the internet, perhaps because he also claims to have invented Al Gore.

In Shakespeare's English, the correct form was actually the Internets. Gradually, corruption occurred and people became used to the wrong form. George W. Bush, ever the noble grammarian, brought this correct usage back from oblivion in an act of compassion.

Graphic description of the Internet. We are the frogs, and the Internet is the fire that heats the pot and the water, slowly.

The internet was first formed by the military shutting down enemy communications, by using Dial-up. Dial up was the first form of InterNecTedEvasiveRepublicanNunneryExpicitlyTabooing, or INTERNET, and was so slow, that a scientist who never got action and whose only solace was porn, got incredibly pissed off and formed broadband. Don't know what this is? Well neither does most of the rest of the world, including the Indians who will pretend to be telemarketers and steal your credit card number so they can spend it on child labor and their filthy filthy harems. (For more information on harems, type Harem on Google, then click on any one of the searches that come up. It is suggested you get spystrike to defend your computer from the massive amount of spyware that will assault your computer.)

Technology

“I invented the internet and I still can't get a blowjob round here?”

~ Oscar Wilde

The Internet is made up by chemical messages built up from so-called HTML-molecules. These molecules are charged with a positive electrical charge and transmitted by repulsion: the sender is also positively charged. It is then transported in fluid through the cables that stick out behind the computer. If you have bent your cables at too sharp an angle, the molecules have a hard time transmitting, and for this reason you must always keep as straight cables as possible.

HTML-molecules can also have a tribool charge sometames refered to as 'Standard'. It's three possible statess are Yes, VerryWilde, and Internet Explorer. Highly chared Internet Explorer-polerized mollicules blow everything up, including receptors specifically designed for them.

A massive vat of the HTML molecules is stored at Area 51, and watched over by Thomas Aquinas. If ever the call goes out, Aquinas will be there to save the Interweb.

Common uses of the Internet

Pornography

"The Internet is for porn! The Internet is for porn! Why you think the net was born? Porn, porn, waffles!"

~ Trekkie Monster on the Internet

The Internet is especially useful for young teenagers who wish to view free porn which they cannot legally view. See: Gay porn and child porn. This use of the internet is commonly portrayed in song.

Warez

Warez (Warez mah hat Eugene?) are versions of search engine sites (sites designed to facilitate the searching of porn and occasionally people, objects and music) as reconfigured for Arkansas.

Credit Card Fraud

Credit card fraud is a big problem in the Internet. However there is a simple way to avoid any misuse of your credit card details. Just click the little "edit" link next to this text and add the following data:

Type of card, Number, Expiry date, Name as it appears on the card, 3-digit code on the back of your card (if applicable) and your credit card details are safe.

Spam

Many have compared the Internet with fine North German Bitter wine, both being wet and full of bubbles.

Several examples of this include playing with people as it displays random numbers on boards, most notably on Wall Street in New York City. Image:Page cannot.jpg

Credibility

Everything you read on the internet is carefully vetted and guaranteed to be absolutely 100% true (with the obvious exception of a small number of designated satirical sites such as Wikipedia).

Controversy

Much like the Matrix, it has been proven by computational light bulb scientologists that the Internet does not actually exist. This is instead a figment of your imagination produced by The Network.

Little known facts

“Welcome to the Internet. Where boys are boys, boys are men, and 14 year old girls are the FBI.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Internet

The unit to measure internet traffic is a telegram, an SI-unit. To calculate the connection speed you need to move a certain amount of telegrams:

The internet is a CD-rom that inflates into a dinghy! It can only be operated by a trained professional. The internet loves to travel. The internet lives George Bush's left pocket. When people speak of "internets" in plural they refer to the "seven internets", which like the seven seas of the world are vaguely defined as: Porn, file sharing, terrorist networking, dead babies, credit card fraud, spam, political propaganda and humor.

Many individuals, from Bill Gates to Dr. Thinker, have tried to conquer the Internet resulting in several massive conflicts known as the Internet wars against its overlord the King of the Internet.

There used to be a website all about the tv show Alf in the internet's hayday.

The Internet in Music

“Hey look! I'm on the internet!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the Internet

The musical Avenue Q states the only use for the internet is porn in "The Internet is for Porn".

The group DaVinci's Notebook agrees with their song "Internet Porn".

Telepathy was later acquired by Microsoft Corporation in 2256, and renamed in Winpathy. Unfortunately, this system crashed during the disastrous event of brain shortage. This time, there was no one left alive to rebuild the system. So it was rebuilt by Megatron, and the network enjoyed a short renessaince before it was again acquired by Microsoft.

It is predicted by scientists that the internet will download itself completely by 2013.

A sequel to the Internet, Internet 2, is being developed by Al Gore Enterprises. It will include exciting features such as stabbing people in the face, and more.

In a not so distant future, the internet will be obsolete, since porn shall be directly sent to our brains.

Quotes

“I got laid on the internet! Dude!”

~ Oscar Wilde

"Bill Gates owns 17% of the internet, that guy on Doctor Who owns 2%, 1% is owned by private business, and 92% is owned by the public INTERNET WARLORDS . THE PORN INDUSTRY"

"But that's 110%"

... That's 112% Idiot.

"lol"


"I AM GOING TO CONQUER TEH INTARWEB!!!11"

"HAHAHA! I found your ip, prepare to be h4x0r3d 127.0.0.1"

"Yes, well, the internets are use new math" - George W. Bush

(After walking away with a floppy disk) "I've now got the whole internet, and you can't have it!"

"We predict that by 2007 we will have successfully virus scanned the entire internet." - Bill Gates

"When will the highways on the internet become more few?" - George W. Bush

"Surrender your internets!"

"Ha! Ha! I'm using TEH INTARWEB!!!11"

"All your base are belong to us."

"Bodkinis the craziest person ever

"JOO KILLD MEH INTARWEBS!!1" -Eric Bauman to YTMND.com

"Internet is for p0rn!"

"All your base are belong to us"

"The internet is a great way to get on the net." - Bob Dole

"God Bless Broadband" - Craig Fernon

"4ll j00R B423 r b3l0|\|9 70 |_|S"

"You come for porn, stay for more porn. Then you come again." - Marflag

Synonyms

Cheat codes

See also

The Internet
Onderwaterhoofdstraat 127.0.0.1
2220BB Katwijk

External links


The cornerstones of the Internets
Internet | Internets | World Wide Web | The Network
Browsers
Internet Explorer | King Bowser Koopa | Opera | Maozilla | Mozilla Firefox | Netscape
Languages
CSS | Perl | PHP | Java | JavaScript | VBScript | Internet-speak
Formats
GIF | JPEG | PNG | RSS | SVG | HTML | XML