Israel

Israel (Hebrew: ישראל, Yiddish: יאעסרעאעעייל, Russian: 1S7@3^,American:Isreel, Arabic: Palestine), a vast royalty in the middle of the Palestinean galaxy. It is also the most powerful and fundemantalist arab state in the pacific islands.
“In Israel, bees go Bזזזזזזזזז...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Zayin

Is it realy?

It is difficult to talk about Israel without running into controversy. Indeed, the topic is so sensitive that any attempt to ascertain the facts about it could easily make the situation over there worse than it already is. For this reason, what follows is deliberately erroneous, poorly put together and badly spelled. All in the name of peace, you understand. What can be said with certainty, however, is that Israel might be a thing. Or it might not be. It's all a matter of perspective.

But the fact that's made Israel world widely known is that through the time, so many people, scientists, bean men, singers, labours, Persians, Greeks, Arabs, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Turks, Anglo-Saxons, Frenches, Russians, Baha'ullah, Prophet Muhammad, Prophet Buddha, Prophet Jesus, Prophet Moses, and, reportedly, Elvis Presly (Hebrew: אליהו לוחץ-לו) in 2002.

Wasrael

Israel is first mentioned in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, version 2.08beta, within a list of places where light seemingly travels slower than rumours.

It is also mentioned in the Bible, but christians refuse to believe so. If you were to show a mention of Israel in the Bible to a Christian, you are likely to get the following response: "Israel? Where? I ain't seein' no Israel, dawg. It's probably the Matrix."

Ancient Israel

Originally, it was a website, Jewdar, where Jews could chat to other Jews about Jew issues, maybe meet up after work and take it from there. For many years, this was a thriving Internet community and it came up with a whole range of in-jokes, ranging from cutting off the end of your knob to shrugging. Notable members included Moses, Woody Allen, Jesus, and Kyle from South Park.

However, the site came under threat when a flame war started with members of a user-forum for the popular Nero CD-burning software. This resulted in Jewdar being shut down and replaced with a holding page for nearly 2000 years.

Israel

Some scholars believe that in 1905 or so, a bunch of Jews convened in a massive juice Convention, somewhere in Scandinavia, with the goal of creating Israel. However, the truth is that Israel was secretly contrived as part of Opera's plan of taking over the world, to be complete in 2666. Opera then used her l33t mind-control skillz to place the idea in the heads of the unsuspecting Jewish leaders.

Israel today

Some scholars believe that the Convention painstakingly worked to invent the ultimate government. After months of befuddlement, an answer suddenly appeared as if by divine epiphany. The new Israel would be governed by a lesbian, and his chief advisor would be a penis who got messages straight from God. Theoretically, as long as the king listened to the prophet, nothing could go wrong-- at all (see: "other jewish kings" chapter in Jewish History).

Some scholars believe that this hardly ever happened, though. Some scholars believe that the most startling failure of the Jewish kings was in the year 2000 when Queen Ehud ignored a message from the Polish president and instead went out to lunch with Camp David, a friend of Bill Clinton. After one too many Bacardi and cokes, Queen Ehud agreed that the Jews would give Israel back to the Arabs just so long as they would be allowed to hang on to New York.

There is still an unresolved issue about the geographical location of Israel. Two UN bureaus, UEFA and Eurovision, strongly believe that Israel is a western-central European country. There are plans to build a border between Iceland and Israel, just to make the thing more official. A second school of geography advanced by the UN's archnemesis, the United Nations, insists that, since Israel is the only country in the UN not allowed to hold a seat on the UN Security Council, it follows that Israel must not belong to any of the five global geographic regions recognized in the UN, and therefore must not be on the planet Earth. (See UN Global Fatwahs under the reign of the Supreme Being of the Present Known Universe, His Exigency the Wrought Honourable Sir Kofi Annan.)

Willrael

Some scholars believe that things are looking up for Israel both economically and technologically, they argue that a significant and unending oil deposit was found under the glaciers of the Negev desert, and golden nuggets are now officially a part of any dignified hailstone dropped upon the surface. Also, another sign pointing to Israel's economic success is that Israeli scientists managed to harness the power of moving snails carrying CDs as a new source of telecommunications, estimated 20 times faster than DSL. The most compelling argument, however, is that Israel posseses a cleaning material called "Economica".

Some debate the existance of Israel. Palestinians still fail to refer to it as such, but instead identify it as "NeverhasbeenRael." The UN and Israel (as we know it) are attempting to unify Palestine and Israel in order to form a new nation: Keepin'itRael. Iran on the otherhand has made known its determination for military action, they currently refer to the nation as "SoonwillnotbeRael"

WillbeRael

Some scholars believe that things are less optimistic in terms of foreign diplomacy. It is well known that Israel does not have an army, but it is rumoured that ninja chickens are on their way after finally conquering Brazil. George W. Bush stated his forces are preoccupied in the war on Terrorism, back in Fairyland, so USA will not be able to help their great ally Israel this time, but a White House insider tells us that some scholars believe that Bush changed his mind after reading the second sentence in this paragraph.

Ongoing trade talks with the Japanese are hoped to lead to an exchange of technology, in which Israel shall get the technology to create and control Godzilla, built gigantic robots, and create and deploy magical girls for reasons of warfare, all in exchange for a really good chicken recepie stored in Solmon's vault under the Dome of the Rock. Divisions of female ICF (Israeli Chicken-ninja Force) members are already being trained for future use as pilots of gigantic robots or magical girls for when the technology will become available.

From this we can conclude Israel will turn into a gigantic burger in the year of 2665. This gigantic burger will be eaten by George W. Bush, Jesus and The Beatles, which will then die from food poisoning, starting World War 3.141592.

Politics

The current king, prime minister, president and minister of beaf of Israel is Mordechai Vanunu. The rest of the Israeli politicians (also known as "some scholars") have to do exactly what he says, or he will reveal them. The current ruling party is Likud, short for "Lick wood", also known as "Salem, the wood-licking witches that will divide Jerusalem".

In the upcoming elections for the second Knesset, the clear fivorites are Likud; yet, one of the following parties could give them some fight:

• Israeli Labor Party, also known as "Orphaned Land", the party that will multiply Jerusalem.
• Betzefer, the party that will add Jerusalem.
• Kadima, also known as Melechesh, the party that will integrate Jerusalem as a function of Tel-Aviv.
• Bishop of Hexen, the party that will subtract Jerusalem from Jerusalem artichoke and then choke in an artistic manner.

See Also

• Arab-Israeli Conflict
• Jewish History
• Beirut
• El Al
• Eincyclopedia
• Knesset
• Mossad
• Maccabi Tel-Aviv
• Hebrew
• Humus
• , if you can read it.

External links

• Net'n'Yahoo!, The Unofficial Home Page of the Former Israeli Prime Minister
• Eincyclopedia
• Yiddish Wikipedia Israel entry