Jack Daniels is considered the most philanthropic person ever to exist and is widely attributed to being the personification of everything within humanity that is worth living for.
The first record of his existence came from the dawn of time, where it was recorded that he had bum sex with every human being until 5000BC, when ugliness was invented by Michael Jackson, Elvis impersonator extraordinaire.
In 1912, Jack Daniels held the position of secretary of defense for every country on Earth. This period, known as the Summer of Love was voted the best period ever in a recent BBC poll.
Jack Daniels, along with Vladimir Lenin invented alcohol during a bum sex session, which rapidly became popular on either side of the Iron Curtain, (and every other curtain).
Jack Daniels current representative on Earth is the nation of Brazil.