K-PAX

K-PAX, unlike your EARTH, is a planet orbiting a binary start in the LYRA system. It is home to us, the K-PAXians. My name is prot, and I have come to EARTH to do a small report for the people back home. I thought I would check out this uncyclopedia, as I heard it may have answers to many of my questions about your planet, Dr. Powell. If i may anticipate your first question, you may be wondering why I appear as a human. my response to that is this: Why is a soap bubble round? Because it is the most energy efficient configuration. Similarly, on your planet I look like you; on K-Pax I look like a K-PAXian.

Light Speed Travel

I have been told many times by some of your doctors, and by other beings with whom I have corresponded that light speed travel is, in fact, impossible. At least according to your scientist, Einstein. I would say that you misread Einstein, Dr. Powell. May I call you Mark? You see Mark, what Einstein actually said was that nothing can accelerate to the speed of light because its mass would become infinite. Einstein said nothing about entities already traveling at the speed of light or faster.

Interstellar Morality

Being that we are superior beings from another planet, we have travelled the galaxy far and wide, and have witnessed a few things that are quite ridiculous in the concepts of Justice and Morality. Let me tell you something, Mark. You humans, most of you, subscribe to this policy of an eye for an eye, a life for a life, which is known throughout the universe for its... stupidity. Even your Buddha and your Christ had quite a different vision. But nobody's paid much attention to them, not even your Buddhists and your Christians.

In Conclusion

I want to tell you something Mark, something you do not yet know, that we K-PAXians have been around long enough to have discovered. The universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. What you don't you know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again, & again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have.