Leopold Skywalker Tolstoy (1901-1986) was an author bent on violence, extreme patriotism, and militarism. He wrote extensively on the rightful role of charismatic leadership over an incessant, ignorant peasant population. He is rememberd most as a Hollywood screenwriter and part-time Koran salesman.

His father was Josef Stalin Tolstoy and his mother was a chimpanzee named Maria. Josef Tolstoy was a noted Communist rock star who gained many fans worldwide. Leopold, and his identical twin brother Leon Trotsky grew up in a suburb of Pottsylvania, where he attended private school until he dropped out and immigrated to the United States in a balloon, which again he dropped out of somewhere over Kansas, killing two cattle.

Famous movies Tolstoy wrote for include Casablanca, The Ten Commandments, and Psycho. In 1974, Tolstoy won an Oscar for writing the porno movie Anna Vagina (alsop known as Anna Kournikova's Vagina). In 1985, he published Neon Evangelion Crisis on Infinite Worlds, considered to be the largest book ever written.

Tolstoy died in 1986 when God, angered by some blasphemous things he said, struck him with a lightning bolt, then sent giant locusts to feed on his body.

Novels