For those without comedic tastes, the so-called-experts at Wikipedia have an article about: Lesbian.

"If lesbians did not exist, then it would be necessary for man to invent them. Damn, baby."

~ Oscar Wilde on lesbians

In pop culture Lesbians are hot. And every normal straight guy usually has a fantasy or two involving lesbians. In the realm of science, most guys would consider research into how to turn their girlfriends into bisexual nymphos as one of the best services that science could offer mankind. However, in real life, Lesbians look like 4 foot tall lumberjacks, except uglier. They fancy fisting each other, bullying men, and eating carpet. Typically they originate on the island of Lesbos, although many have established colonies in San Francisco and Belgium. The first recorded phenomena of Lesbianism was observed by French-Dutch philospher/explorer Gusatv Fallopius, who named the women he saw "Les Bonnes," or "The Goods." Or course, the English have since bastardized the romantic term into the modern equivalent.

The population of Lesbos comprises different ethnic groups and religions: Christians (Maronites mainly of Assyrian descent, Arabs, and Armenians), Islams (Sunnis, Shi'ites, and Alawites), Druze and others. No official census has been taken since 1932, reflecting the political sensitivity in Lesbos over confessional (religious) balance. The U.S. Government estimates that 60 percent of the resident population is Muslim; the rest is Christian, predominantly Maronite, Greek Orthodox, Greek Catholic, Armenian Orthodox, and Armenian Catholic, as well as a minority of Protestants. There is a small minority of Jews, mostly living outside Lesbia. Also, a small community (less than one percent) of Kurds live in Lesbos. Regardless of their secular origin, all Lesbians participate in the celebration of quintessential lesbianness, culminating in the "Feast on the Yeast" on top of Mount Lesbo.

While 360,000 Palestinian refugees have registered in Lesbos with the United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA) since 1948, estimates of those remaining range between 160,000 and 225,000. Since they are not citizens, they are not accorded the full legal rights enjoyed by the rest of the population (such as the right to vote).

Lesbians at home
Lesbian Mayor of Louisville, KY, Holly Hobby
Many Lesbians still derive their living from nature, including agriculture, gardening and beaver hunting. Their skills at navigating through thick bush are respected world wide. Some have amassed a sizeable fortune from video sales and the production of toasters. The urban population, concentrated mainly in Beirut and Mount Lesbo, is noted for its commercial enterprise. A century and a half of migration and return have produced Lesbian commercial networks around the globe from North and South America to Europe, the Gulf and Africa. Lesbia has a high proportion of skilled labor, as compared to many other Middle Eastern countries, including a marked talent in linguistic skills. There are well over 20 million Lesbian forms of media on a great place of Perversion called "The Internet."

Lesbians have managed to overcome the greatest threat to their nation - the ongoing threat of population collapse. They have done this by continuously finding new people who are interested in joining their culture. Many young women between the ages of 18 and 27 have considered taking up temporary residence in Lesbos. Many men also find the possibilities attractive and express an interest in Lesbian culture, often with the promise that they only want to watch.

Lesbians' favorite food is carpet, and their favorite drink is Poontang. Lesbians enjoy music, with yodelling down in the canyon being the preferred form of expression, and love dancing, preferring the Bump to all other forms of dance. Lesbians are thought to induce communism in young men and their own left member.

It is generally accepted that one naked lesbian in a room is hot. However, when more than one naked lesbian is put into a room, that is not twice as hot; rather, the hotness of naked lesbians increases exponentially. The increasing amount of hotness caused by putting more and more naked lesbians into a room can be modeled by the function f(l)=18.5625*e^(1.0023*l) , where l is the number of naked lesbians and f(l) is the hotness of all the naked lesbians, expressed in milliHelens.

It was once believed that former Beatle Janet Reno is a lesbian, however it is now known she is actually a 42 year old Lemur with a funny haircut. Also, Lesbians don't get Jesus-Cookies.


Famous Lesbians

See Also