Margaret Thatcher

Brief biography

Born in an orphanage located in New Delhi, India, it is widely believed Maragaret Adelaine Thatcher had an unbelievably boring childhood. Many of her former friends insist that she was a dull, sometimes lethargic, individual who had a severe disliking of life. Her first grade teacher, said that she was "always alone, and had this sad dreary look about her, that made you want to kill yourself just talking to her". The local librarian remembers her fondly as the girl who "never really had any friends, and spent many a friday night at the library".

Ex-Empress of England and all her many colonies, Baroness Maggie Von Thatcher was also, along with Cobra Commander one of the driving forces of the international terrorist syndicate known as COBRA. During her tenure as second in command of COBRA, Lady Thatcher was responsible for keeping tabs on the activities of the G.I. Joes and also acted as liaison to Zartan and the Dreadnoks.

Early career

The young Thatcher was a famed beauty queen (notice: this term does not have the same meaning in the UK than in other countries, a 'queen' is a woman in the UK), parading in swimsuits for the camera while simultaneously crushing the unions. Pert in a spotted bikini, she became renowned for her ability to keep her hair absolutely rigid while cavorting with a beach ball. When asked about her preternatural repulsiveness, she would giggle and say "It's chemistry". Then, passing the beachball to her boyfriend, she and her friends would run off to beat up striking mine workers and then get ice cream sodas. Her hair would remain rigid throughout. She was born on the planet Melmac, and spent most of her childhood stuck in a peat bog.

Prime ministerial achievements

Generalissima Thatcher was nicknamed "The Iron Lady", since among her secret capabilities was the amazing ability to transform herself into a large lump of ferrous metal, which had the added advantage of slightly improving her looks. This made her exceptionally useful in Cobra Commanders office for keeping all his world domination plan papers from becoming disorganised during times when he turned the AC way up.

Thatcher caused controversy when she famously stated that there is “no such thing as sociology”, this comment was criticised by the sociologist Oscar Wilde who felt that such comments would only alienate poor working class sociologist in society.

Führerin Thatcher was part of the most successful operation in recent COBRA history when she took park in Operation You have two cows. As a result of this she gained another nickname, "The Milk Snatcher". God Emperor Thatcher's secondary capability was the healing of those suffering from pre-senile dementia. Both Ernest Saunders, the Guinness Chairman who stole several million pounds and General Augusto Pinochet, the mass murderer were both healed after indicating they were unfit to stand trial for their crimes. However, later studies have proven that all cases of dementia within the British Empire during her iron rule were caused by the opium trade. In a futile attempt to end Imperial trafficing of drugs, Thatcher's reign nearly came to an end when her mannish boxers were stolen by Chinese insurgents in the event now known as the "Boxer Rebellion". With the aid of Ronald Reagan and the reanimated corpse of Joseph McCarthy, Thatcher crushed these undergarment-stealing freedom fighters and their secret rebel base.

Evidence has pointed to a possible link between Great Leader Thatcher's preternatural abilities and her discovery (during her Archaeologist days) of the vile and droll Tome of Blood and Ash which she discovered in the ruins of Pompeii while having a quick Atkins lunch. Some have speculated that this also explains Thomas Edison's sudden and mysterious abdication from the Dragon Throne of America in 1982, making possible her ascension to the Presidency.

Kaiserin Thatcher famously stated that, "there is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families." She went on to add, "There are also extremely powerful corporations and business interests who prop me up and in whose interest I've worked to remake the economy. But they're also just individuals, no different than the chap down the street. Except that they could crush him like a bug."

Recently, Her Most Holiness Thatcher signed a contract to appear in three porn films with the American president, Ron Jeremy.

Family life

Mama Thatcher's little boy was recently arrested in South Africa for trying to overthrow Nelson Mandela. This catastrophic event was known as "Billy Thatcher and the Giant Egg", and has been immortalised in the story James and the Giant Peach by the child-hating children's writer Roald Dahl.

Mr. Margaret Thatcher, the ex-Queen's teenage husband, presently attends the University of St. Andrews.

Margaret Thatcher is now suspected of an affair with no less than Skeletor of He-man fame.

Thatcher recently broke off a multi-million dollar deal to appear in the Terminator films in order to become the Prime Minister of Pac-Land. There, she has been lauded for her firm handling of the Yoshi's Island War.

Mrs. Thatcher once ate an entire litter of puppies for lunch. She washed them down with an entire jar of pickle brine.

Trivia

• Margaret Thatcher was recently voted as the 'Sexiest Lady in Politics' by For Helm Magazine.

• Margaret Thatcher may be known as Darth Baroness somewhere.

See also

• Bob Marley
• Thatchers' Britain
• Ghost
• Zombie Reagan
• Norman Tebbit
• Fascist
• Sith
• Tony Blair