“Oscar Wilde...what an obscure reference.”

~
Ben Affleck refuses to play poker against anyone except Oedipus. He denies that Oeddy's blindness is a factor in this decision.

Oedipius was the first of the motherfuckers.

He was the son of Yoda, supreme ruler of Corinth, who made him run on the rocky planet Naboo (that explains why he had big feet, and therefore his name).

After master Yoda's death (due to the excessive import of popes), he moved to Romania and learned the ninja arts, along with world-renowned rocker Hitler, who taught him the bases of vampiric rituals. Oedipus returned to Corinth, and was greeted by a strange creature which terrorized the children of the region: Michael Jackson, which, disguised as a dwarf, asked him the ritual question, "Who walks with eight feet in the morning, with six at noon and four in the evening?" Oedipus, concentrating his Jedi powers, answered "Amen", and the monster suicided, destroyed by the spell of Oedipus. He became supreme chancellor of the Galactic Senate of Thebes after a vote, and decided to invade Poland, but the Gods Anubis and Horus punished him by drawing his father to the dark side. Later on, it was clear that Oedipus would need to kill his father. Years later, he met this cute older woman at a bar, and they hit it off. It later became apparent that she was the queen, and that marrying her would not only satisfy his desires, but would grant him more power. Unfortunately, Cthulhu was not pleased by him, and had it turn out that she was actually his mom, and that their several children were products of incest.

Oedipus later lost his eyes while playing golf with Agamemnon (claiming that he could hit a hole in one, and losing the bet), began an errand in Kazakhstan, and was crippled stupidly, trying to beat the world record of mental calculus while playing football with atomic bombs. (He worked for the Manhattan Project for several years.) Oedipus created the Oedipus Complex, Inc., a software company that was later renamed as Red Mond Linux. Among other important mathematical discoveries, Oedipus proved the Oedipus-Antigone theorem with his daughter, which says that to every Romanian vampire corresponds an opposed spaceship. This is known as the relativity theory.