Oprah

“Oprah Winfrey deserves that place held in everybody's minds, along with the boogeyman, Michael Jackson, and that slick mofo Dr. Doom. Man, I want to be like him when I grow up.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Oprah Winfrey

"If Oprah were made of hot dogs, would you eat her? I would."

~ Harry Carrey on Oprah

"It is the only thing that keeps the collective united"

~ Borg on Oprahism

"MOOOCK! MOOOOCK!"

~ Harpo Marx on Oprah

"AHAHAHBAHBAHABHBAHBAHBAHBaa... Puddin' Pops!!!"

~ Bill Cosby on Oprah

"F**k yo couch, n*gga!"

~ Tom Cruise on the Oprah Show during the special when he declares his love for Katie Holmes (which he must have stolen from the Rick James sketch by Dave Chappelle)

"Everybody gets a car!!!!!! Except for you! Your soul is dirty with the blood of children!!!!!!"

~ Oprah Winfrey on James Frey

"She killed me."

~ Colin Powell on why he hates Oprah

"She huffed me."

~ Anonymous on why he/she/it hates Oprah

"She was responsible for the loss of Windows 95 SP2. She must be stopped. Quick, get Ultra Jesus"

~ Revfan9 on Oprah

"Oprah is the ultimate ninja. He who knows Oprah and knows himself will be victorious."

~ Sun-Tzu on Oprah

"My those look tasty."

~ Oprah on babies

"If only I had a dime for every damn person's life I ruined...wait a minute, I do!"

~ Oprah

"im in ur mega base killing ur robots"

~ Mega Man on Dr. Winfrey

" Go my middle-aged minions! Kill all those who defy my reign! UWAAHAHAHAAA!"

~ Oprah, preparing the troops for war

"That ugly hoe still owes me money, I ought a slap that black prima-donna with my ironing board"

~ Optimus Prime on Oprah

Oprah Winfrey (b. April 1, 1337) is the Anti-Christ, the Queen of Uglo-Americans, leader of the Federation of Furbies, and is now more powerful than God. She also is the brother of Bill Murray She tells people random crap and they believe her. Perhaps she is huffing kittens. The founder of Oprahism is a creature seeking world domination. Disguised as an innocent piece of fried chicken, most people are not aware of her evil, cunning, and manipulative nature. According to expert powerologists such as Nietzsche, she has superhuman powers; this would make her a super villain. Oprah has the amazing ability to give everyone in the room some stuff while claiming to be not materialistic. Her sister, Mrs. Butterworth is a noted actress, and currently the spokeswoman for a popular brand of pancake syrup.

"Oprah gives an all new meaning to emotions! She is the first person to make a fifty year old man cry over spilling his milk… LITERALLY!" - manekz

She is Spawned

Oprah was forged in the mythical mountains of Limburg. When she was 3, she ran away to escape her abusive Penis. Fleeing and creating the village on the Island of L'aard, Oprah supposedly became a woman with nasty hair. It is believed a rogue band of vicious Chinchillas attacked the island during her stay, inspiring her to pursue world dominance. Motivated and determined, she acquired a very sizeable sum of money by robbing churches and performing illegal coathanger abortions and raping small donkeys under the light of the full moon. Soon, her unstoppable reign began. When she was 565 she married Mr T. but annulled shortly after she refused to consummate her marriage by being tag-teamed by the A-Team on her solo molo. She is currently looking for a new life partner, preferably one from Argentina.

Oprah has many children. All of which have rabies, and are drugged every day to enjoy her show. As the great Oprah says: "Children are our future. I love children. I love them because they are small, and easy to pick up. They remind me of little deformed turtles when they are young. I like to eat babies. They taste somewhat odd though... I'm god."

Shit happens

She Invests in Evil

Befitting her corrupt and hateful nature, Oprah invested this money in Viagra, Microsoft and The Bloody Spork stock, and recently bought 55% of Telstra. She now is drugging Barnaby Joyce so she can own the entire company and she has more money than both Bill Gates or Satan. She has been accused of having fat pumped into her ass. However, she responded to such rumours by replying "Yo bitches! This be 100% african ass! Y'all betta recognise!"

Around this time she accepted Cher as her apprentice and second in command. Together they did secret world dominating duets of "If I Could Turn Back Time," the songs of which have been programmed with subliminal messages urging you to loosen your bowel and let the brown flow. This plot was foiled once again by the Mighty Morphin' Ultra Super Dooper Power Rangers Mark IV on March 4 of 1985. She is even rumoured to have consumed a golden retriever while intoxicated quote, "Just for the hell of it."

Late in oprahs 50's she was a circus clown. She was called the elephant. Many applauded her performance as she ate 5000 marshmallows but then she had a 17 strokes which made her become a crappy daytime show host.

In 1987 Oprah established MoDOT as a way of inconveniencing everyone in the world while she was on vacation. It has now made Missouri the most inconvenient place in the world, and is working on elevating Kansas to its high standards of inconvenience. At about the same time, she built an army of evil robots who were destroyed by Mega Man.

Most recently, in 1992, Oprah joined the ghost of Atilla, George W. Bush, Bill Gates and a small number of others in the formation of the evil Safeway Alliance. She remained a high ranking member for several months before Atilla's ghost ejected her from the group upon hearing of her plans of taking over as Supreme Safeway Food Taster. She was promptly replaced by Horatio and the Loony Tunes and has been an enemy of the Alliance ever since.

Chicago residents suffered anal leakage after witnessing Oprah parading around the Sears tower molesting decorational phenomenon Nate Berkus with a strap-on dildo. This led to one of the biggest cases in justice as the meat packers of Texas framed her for queerploitation, not to mention her alleged affair with catholic activist Madalyn Murray O'Hair. The ghost of Atilla allegedly frowned upon this.

Since the year 1907, Oprah has been attempting to make contact with Lavos in preparation for obliterating all other life aside from her, the Great One, and the L'aardians. Many attempts have been made to reach Lavos. All of them have yet failed. Recently, she has taken a more sadistic approach, slaughtering kittens and dumping them into a hole which leads straight to the center of the Earth. The soil from the hole, thought to be chocolate-flavoured butter, has since been consumed by Oprah. About 20% of her total bank account goes into this 'plan'; the rest is dumped into free cars for housewives and buying orphans for a tasty midnight snack. She is now on bail.

According to Alan Markley, Oprah now heads the Oprah Gun Club with intentions of arming thousands upon thousands of femi nazi bitches like herself so women that want to grow a weiner and balls can take over the world. I mean come on people, who's going to take over the world when she dies? God? Ha, Ha.

Extensive evil scheming has led to Oprah's dependency on aspirin, a powerful narcotic that allows for the prolonged use of the Evil Cortex portion of the brain. Since Oprah's daily activities require quantities of evil well beyond the recommended daily value (the RDV of evil is 450mg), she has often sought to make aspirin more readily available to her by taking over the Three Awesome Aspirin-Givers (TAAGs). She has not yet succeeded, however, and still depends on the TAAGs for the sweet, sweet aspirin she needs to reduce the inflammation of her brain.

To make matters worse, in 1910 she preformed a hostile takeover onto a then unnamed and nonexistant television network. From there she quickly, over the course of 40 years, devised a way to massivly communicate her evil message onto TV, which was then invented. The result was the brainwashing "Oprah Winfrey Show" which was filled to the brim with subliminal messages, ravenous puppies, and "free*" cars. She then invented internet pop-ups and pornography.

Foods

Oprah is known to eat over 80 tons of food every day. This includes several tons of raw sewage which she siphons from the sewers under her lair. With the recent hurricanes in New Orleans, she has a near endless supply of sewage and dead people. She also seems to feed on the dignity of African Americans--she's racist like that.

During her early days on TV, she'd accidentally eat audience members when she was having lunch. However, security guards on the side of the stage with electric cattle prods soon helped prevent the accidental ingestion of more audience members of the Oprah show.

Icon

In 1991 Dr. Larry Bandana became sick after doing extensive research on Oprah's vagina. As the result of a lost bet, Bandana set out to count the number of pubic hairs standing proud on Oprah's taco. Dazed by the smell he climbed inside her where he continues to write recommendations to the evil mastermind Karl Rove. He maintains contact with the outside world by kicking Oprah's stomach. She reportedly likes this. Or does she...?

Diet

Oprah Winfrey often eats small children, babys that are ripe with cancer, entire flesh eating bovines, little animals and Gary daily. However, her favourite food is world peace, which she eats with a small smidgeon of human soul. She also consumes planets much like Galactus, and she ate the Earth's second moon as an appetizer one day, it is not known why. However, it is expected she found a high concentration of cream cheese on the celestial body, and was thus drawn to it like moths to a flame. Oprah is also known to eat everything in her sight.

Oprah is also the current headmaster/mistress/thing of the Judi Evans Luciano School of Not Losing Weight After Pregnancy.

Training as a Sith Lord

After she waddled away from home she attended Yale University where she joined the infamous and mysterious Spoon and Fork Club. It was here that she met Darth Nihilus who took her as his apprentice. Oprah was then renamed Darth Bovineus. She learned the ways of the Dark Side of the Force and became an exceptionally powerful Sith. Along with Darth Shaun, and Darth Mula, she hunted Jedi and cows to the brink of extinction. This dark past was mostly unknown until Oprah's last trip to Africa where she was caught on camera Force Choking an Ethiopian boy that was reaching for the last bit of glazed ham.

Doctor Phil

Main article: Dr. Phil

Six months, six weeks and six days after a night of incensed passion with the future Panzer Pope (while he was still in training as a tenderfoot cardinal), she still was unable to bear a baby. She thus sought out her friend Bill Cosby, and with his help she created Hitler. During his larval phase, he crouched under her couch, coming out one day of the week to do tricks for her audience. After defending her against the Bovine Hordes, however, he gained strength by sucking down the foetuses of six Texas Cattlemen, came out of his chrysalis, and fluttered off to start his own sect, where he dissects live evil babies and mothers before an entranced audience, with the able (if slightly manic) assistance of his family. Eventually, Hitler was sent out to win World War II. Upon his failure, Oprah was disgusted but eventually forgave him, and resurrected him (with the aid of Bill Cosby again) into his current incarnation as Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil was a regular guest on Oprah's show (with hopes of him bringing in a larger audience), but he progressively grew more tired of dealing with what he refered to as "Oprah's deluded ways of thinking" and, after being forced to marry her (his own mother), he chose, become a student of the venerable Pope Yoda, and began his own show, all in protest of Oprah. Oprah was initially enraged, but the two have since come to be on better terms with one another, with Oprah being a guest on Dr. Phil's show on several occasions (much to the horror of most Dr. Phil fans, who are former Oprah fans who renounced their allegiance to Oprah after the bear incident (see below)).

The Bear Incident

She once killed a bear on live television, then ate its entrails while the audience looked on in horror, afraid to move lest they be the next target of consumption. The next day the subject of Oprah's program was how to deal with the trauma caused by watching talk show hosts eat bear entrails. There was much crying, and only a few casualties. She then spewed the bear up and ate it again, and again and again.

Existance of Stephen Colbert

Thought by physicists to the the opposite of Oprah (or the Anti-Oprah),this was later proven to be false by David Copperfield, a respected member of the scientific community and former Chief Diety of Pakistan. This still leaves no explanation as to where Stephen Colbert came from, so please, if you have any knowledge as to what he is, call now. Our operators are standing by and are ready to take your calls.

Attacks on Oprah

FARK

Many groups are opposed to Oprah, most notably the cult group Fark (who is also opposed to the Pope). Oprah has offered immunity from death when she takes over the world to anyone who can bring her the skins of dead Farkers.

He is Known as Strom, Son of Strom

Time and again, Oprah's plots were thwarted by the heroic actions of Strom Thurmond. The noble deeds of that proud African-American senator are the primary cause of the fanatical hatred of black people Oprah feels to this day.

The Kids in the Hall Puddin' Pool Incident

Wil Weaton was killed by "The Kids In The Hall" (under Orders from Oprah) while staging an attack on Oprah's Compound along with two other less important people.

The attack started at 3am with the first less important person shouting "OPRAH SHOW ME YOUR FLOPPY FUN BAGS!". Oprah did not comply with his request and sent out KITH Scott to sodomize him to death. The Second nameless attacker tried to stop Scott but was ambushed by Bruce, Dave, and Kevin who promptly ate the nameless attacker at their yearly feast in honour of those who came before.

Wil's death came at the hands of Mark who captured him and brought him to Oprah. Oprah then forced Mark and Wil to have 3 stage fight to the death, consisting of wrestling in Oprah's Puddin' Pool, A kitten hurling battle, and a slap fight.

Wil choked to death in the first stage and soiled Oprah's pudding pool when his bowels voided to Oprah's great displeasure. The Puddin' Pool is still closed for cleaning. In the meantime, all scheduled events are being held in the Masturbatorium.

No one has staged an attack since on her compound. It is rumoured that the Oprahsaurus has been roaming the grounds lately...

Optimus Prime

While in Kansas, Optimus Prime rises from the ashes and challenges the dark lady to a game of go. He almost defeats Oprah but Sindbad shows up and transforms into a doughnut, satisfying the evil ones lust for pastry. Megatron stares in awe as she devours Optimus' and goes wind surfing.

Sauron

By feeding her tainted meat, the Lord of the Dance Sauron infected Oprah with Bene Gesserit, the human form of Mad Cow Disease. Because one of the symptoms of Bene Gesserit is Spice addiction, Sauron's control of the Spice means she controls Oprah Winfrey, although Oprah does not realize this to be true. Sauron has strangely not taken advantage of her control of Oprah as of present. Most believe that Oprah's creation of Wikipedia scared Sauron to the point of forgetting that she even had the capacity of controlling someone as monstrous as Oprah.

The League of Extraordinary Grandmas

The League of Extraordinary Grandmas were originaly Oprah Winfrey's personal assassination squad until she replaced them with Tom Cruise a.k.a Darth Cruise. Furious, The League of Extraordinary Grandmas rebelled against Oprah and marked her at the top of their bounty list. Recently though, The League of Extraordinary Grandmas have cease to act against Oprah and are focusing more on confronting The possible lovechild of Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde, who they consider to be a bigger threat.

Tom Cruise

In accordance with Sith tradition, Oprah trained her own apprentice, Tom Cruise, giving him the creative Sith name of Darth Cruise. Using her evil powers to brainwash him, Oprah planned to use Darth Cruise in her latest plan for world domination. As part of her plan, she revealed Cruise was her apprentice on live TV, but made the mistake of making a bad joke during her grand speech in which she told everyone about her evil scheme, like most super villains do. Enraged, Cruise cackled evilly and attempted to fry Oprah using Force lightning, shouting "Unlimited power!" as he did. Who won the fight is not known, as all the cameras were turned off shortly after the attack began, although both Cruise and Oprah appear to still be alive. It is believed the attempted assassination was coincided with Dr. Phil's new aquirance of force powers, which threatened Oprah's scheme.

Superman and Goku

In a co-op effort to defeat her once and forever demi-gods Superman and Goku attacked Oprah as she was eating her daily meal of Coco Butter, X-Box controllers and Human Souls. Unfortunately for them, and the rest of humanity, Oprah foresaw their attack and absorbed the body's of Godzilla, the Spice Girls, your mum and that fat kid from Lord of the Flies, thus making her the most powerful and evil thing in the universe. Superman and Goku fought bravely but were unable to defeat 'The Abomination' as she later became known. But just as they were about to be killed Oprah's dessert meal of Panda burgers arrived, and they quickly fled.

The American Justice Coalition and Cloud Strife

Using Cloud Strife as a human shield, the American Justice Coalition worked together to defeat her once and for all. Whilst she feasted on Cloud's soul and his emo tears, the members of the AJC used all of their various talents to continually weaken and eventually defeat her, thus ridding the world of her evil for all time.

...or so they thought.

The Fremen

Tired of Oprah's reign of terror, the Fremen attacked Oprah, disguised as giant Bananaphones. Unfortunately, their staplerguns did not proof sufficient to penetrate Oprah's shield made of puppyfur and hair of a molding Bob Saget. Finding themselves severely overpowered by Oprah Winfrey and his/her/its assistant Darth Cruise, they fled, and took a jump through the Stargate, returning to their home, Sietch Tab'r, to make Panda burgers for her as a make-up gift.

Chuck Norris & Vin Diesel

Using pokémon entrails, the famous prophet Silent Bob wrote of the impending Apocalpyse, where in a massive battle between the forces of Oprah and a coalition led by Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel the multiverse will be destroyed and recreated. Other major players such as Sauron, Hitler, The Jesus Squad, Optimus Prime, Tom Cruise, Gambit, Ron Rivest, Oscar Wilde, The Power Rangers, The Fremen, Soviet Russia, and Dr. Phil will also play important roles in the coming conflaguration.

Upon this prediction, Oprah has sent bikini clad spies to the fabled spiers of Slashdot academy, bypassing even the GNAA security foces. She hopes to learn the secrets of the one substance that can give her the edge, Anti-Norris (Nuck Chorris).

Albtatross Alliance

After 1797, when the world's albatross population declared war on all of humanity, there was considerable uncertainty whether Oprah could be classified as 'human' and therefore and 'enemy'. Three Councils were held to try and decided how to categorise Oprah, the first held in 1812 on the Chatham Islands. The Council ended without resolution after three weeks of debate. The main point of contention was whether she was near human (and therefore nearly an enemy) or a deity of some kind (and therefore irrelvant in albatross cosmology). A second council, The Council of Tristan da Cuhna, eliminated the possibility that she was a deity under the strained reasoning that no thinking creature would worship her (albatrosses, having no inclination to worship anything, fail to understand that some people will worship anything), but there was no quorum for calling her human either. It wasn't until the third Council, the Council of Kerguelen, that it was finally decided that she was neither human nor deity but instead simply an unusual marine mammal. Accordingly she was not an enemy in the Human-Albatross War, but instead simply a target for albatross piracy, and till this day Oprah is plaugued by albatrosses that steal her lunch every time she tries to eat seafood.

Warning

Do not attempt to harm Oprah in any way. In 1791, Oprah (on advice from Count Steadmond), consulted with the Pope and changed her bodyguard task force from the relatively tame band of rabid Canadians that had protected her during the colour purple riots of 2007. The Oprah's new task force is made up of a semi-elite squad of clinjas.

The James Frey, author of "A Million Little Feces" controversy

In January of 2006 Oprah was caught in a controversy over the book "A Million Little Feces". She again ate a bear, who happened to be the interviewer. Afterwards she was so distraught over her relapse into eating bears again she kicked James Frey in the scrotum claiming his book got her off of the 12 step Bear Eaters Anonymous program. Unfortunately if Oprah had read the damn book she would have known it had more to do with kitten huffing and killing people on trains using super psychic thermal abilities. She might also have known the book was total crap, hence the name "A Million Little Feces". Anyway she then downed a bottle of Robotussen, 8 Marizine motion sickness pills, and a bottle of vodka. Afterwards in Lake Geneva Wisconsin she stripped naked, burnt down her mansion there, and ran through the streets singing "Smoke on the Water".

The Nine

The ruling force over the land of Tamriel was angered by her success, they felt as though her one entity was pulling attention away from the nine of them, they could not have this. The nine guided her with an invisible hand, coercing every choice she made, into one that would draw her close to the gate. She found herself outside of Kvatch, wielding a chicken-wing, and a fur-shield, she plunged into the gate of oblivion. After killing the imperial guard within and looting his chainmail, she continued through. She arrived at a large ominous, black and red tower. She went inside. She was confronted by two stunted scamps and a deadric scout, she slaughtered them with a single swipe of her chin flab. She continued to traverse the tower, until she found the Sigil Stone, and closed the oblivion, her vision flashed white, and after seing visions of a loading screen, she was outside of Kvatch.. too be continued.

Oprah in Tibetan Cosmology

Tibetan sages say there has always been an Oprah and will always be an Oprah. Every cycle of the universe begins with a corruptive element - an Oprah - and this Oprah corruption ultimately destroys that cycle. Oprah then moves on to a new universe to begin again. Oprah has been born innumerable times and takes innumerable forms, but she is always present. Always, she waits for her time (the Oprahyuga) to strike.

The universal cycle generally has three stages:

• 1. Primal ooze. Oprah feasts! Then diets. Then she feasts again!
• 2. Industrial Revolution. Oprah usually clones Hitler or something.
• 3. Oprahyuga. Oprah creates a talk show and begins to insinuate herself into the collective subconscious. Soon she has her own magazine and her own television network. She begins dictating the food you eat and the books you read. Shortly thereafter, the universe dies an agonising heat death.

Look under your seats, people!

In a recent episode of Oprah's weekday television show Dawn Of The Dead...Live! Oprah Winfrey announced to her live audience that each of them would receive a brand new car. While these "new" cars received were of shoddy quality and would burst into flame for no apparent reason, and while some home viewers were dismayed to find that they were not the ones who would receive new cars, the event garnered much attention and fame, and led to the creation of a new national holiday, known as Oprahmas (pron. OH-pruh-miss).

Oprahmas, which is set in August (to relieve department stores of the fact that there are no holidays, and therefore no reasons to spend, in August...except for those depressing back-to-school sales), is fun for all. The week before Oprahmas Day, children all over the world would set up a gigantic chair in the living room, and decorate it with tinsel, glass balls, and bacon grease. On Oprahmas Day children sing beloved carols like "It's Raining Men" and "If You Wanna Be My Lover," before being sent to bed early, lest Oprah, who distributes gifts with her loyal elf Steadman, will violently scorn anyone who sees her and/or comments on her weight. While the children are asleep, their parents get drunk and buy presents. Finally, on Oprahmas morning, children awake to find incredible gifts under the Oprahmas Seat, and there is fun, followed by awkward family reunions, for all. Oprah gives away things that usually do one of the following:

• Transform you into a scottsman
• Hypnotize you into joining her army

• If you are hot have sex with her
• Kill you, and all of the people around you
• Explode

Traditional Oprahmas presents include:

• Cars
• Computers
• iPods
• Lavish things
• Stuff picked up at 7-Eleven at 2 AM
• The Color Purple on DVD
• Uncomfortable garments
• Vibrators
• Tuesdays With Morrie on DVD
• Sheep entrails
• Son of a Bitch
• Dildo
• Lesbian Porn
• Michael Jackson
• Santa Clause
• Canada

• Me
• 'Chic' fashion (see 'Uncomfortable Garments')
• Tuesdays With Morrie on VHS
• Tickets to The Color Purple on Broadway.
• The Color Purple on VHS
• The Color Purple Extended Oprah Edition on VHS
• The Color Purple on Betamax
• The Color Purple Extended Oprah Edition on Betamax
• The Color Purple on Broadway, on Betamax
• The Colour Purple on UK DVD
• Tuesdays With Morrie on Super 8
• Monkey Butlers
• A letter containing anthrax
• A Starving Rotweiller
• Tickets to the extended Betamax version of Tuesdays With Morrie on DVD, featuring bonus footage of the Uncomfortable Garments VHS.
• Bird Poop
• Ear Buds

The Oprah Mentality

Traditionally of the "I want, therefore I take" mind frame. If she wants something, be sure that she will do whatever has to be done in order to take it. Annoy her, and instantly climb to the top of her hate list. Appease her, and you will be allowed to bathe in her glow for the better part of 4 seconds, the time it takes her mind to flit to more meaningful topics like "that sink would go well with my Alsatians" or "I want a green drink today, because green is my mad colour"

Oprah's Favourite Activities

While Oprah does not conform to the definition of "not evil" in the traditional sense, she does tend to enjoy moderately nice things. On a good day, she has been found to be taking her rage out on dump trucks full of chocolate as opposed to dump trucks full of kittens and golden retriever puppies. This usually consists of a fierce destruction of the item(s) with a swift summoning of Cerberus, 3-headed dog of Hell itself. After that, whatever remains is consumed and regurgitated, presumably to make room for more chocolate/puppies.

On a day when she's feeling angry, Oprah has been spotted bombing orphanages and missions in South America. One such incident in 1946 was provoked by news that her hourly shipment of paediatric cancer patients, her favourite labourers ("It's cheap and fun to watch," she says, "Besides, it's not like they were going to see their 8th birthdays anyway,") had to be cancelled due to a lack of living children in the immediate vicinity. As a result, she flew to Peru by way of Cthulhu and unleashed a fiery reign of destruction, killing 1,000 and injuring 20 times more. After descending onto the ruins and eating the charred bones of each and every orphan, she invited the least wounded and consoled them on her show.

Backstage, they suffered the same fate as their long-dead comrades.

Boxing Career

Between 1963 and 1971, Oprah Winfrey was the HBO ECW WWF and SNES World Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World (except Costa Rica)

In 1963 on a cold and snowy night in Moscow she defeated Sylvester Stallone to become world champion, a defeat so comprehensive, that Stallone was forced to retire from boxing and become The President of Mexico. Winfrey defended her title a surprisingly low 9,201 times before losing to Santa Claus in a rematch in the Gobi Desert in December 1971

Production Company

Oprah's production company is called Harpo. A graduate mathematics student at MIT submitted a thesis last year speculating that the name "Harpo" was simply Oprah spelled backwards, but the nation's top mathematicians and Matt Damon have been unable to prove this controversial theorem.

THIS JUST IN!

Harpo is acctually discovered to be short for Harpooninatorlux 5015 her weapon of choice when hunting for dead babies in the arctic circle. She usually hunts between May and August, when the babies are the deadest, and then she gets back just in time for Oprahmas, so she can rake in the bucks.

See also

• The ONLY Religion
• The Other white meat
• A penis with a quest
• A gaint mole on the face of society. ONLY $19.95!
• Oprahism
• Weenie-Hut Junior
• Evil
• Stupid
• Apocalypse: The Acclaimed Motion Picture
• Satan
• Dakota Fanning
• Chinchilla
• Uglo-Americans
• Making up Oscar Wilde quotes
• Fark (Cult group opposed to Oprah)
• The Great Petco Blowup of 2005
• Strom Thurmond
• Spoon and Fork Club
• Numbers
• ∩
• Stephen Colbert
• Tom Cruise
• Edna the Great
• The Rubiks Time Cube
• Liechtenstein
• Adolf Hitler
• Dr. Phil
• Mode Class
• Baby Eating
• Stakeout
• Oprah Winfrey's One Millionth Pound Lost
• 〠
• Kwarliputra Family No. 7
• The huffing of kittens
• It's all about the O
• Kraft Dinner
• Condoleeza Rice
• David Letterman
• Atonement Special
• Oprah's Livejournal Club
• Opeth
• gravity scam
• Fine Young Cannibals
• Radio
• Battle of the Little Bighorn

External Links

• Undoubtedly proof of the evilness of Oprah
• Footage of Tom Cruise's attempt to kill Oprah with Force Lightning