Q

Q is the most bizarre and ridiculous letter of the English language. Its shape and sound are embarrassing at best and patently obscene at worst. One who is cursed with a given name beginning with this vile pernicious letter is often justifiably ridiculed for life. Quentin Tarantino, for instance, was ridiculed so badly at Kindergarten that he took to directing as an escape. However, if your name happens to consist entirely of the letter Q, you will almost certanly become an omnipotent and omniscient being who is destined for great things, such as wandering around bothering bald starship captains, or handing out cool secret agent gadgets that are then destroyed. Many inteligent people believe the letter "Q" or letters "QU" can be replaced by a simple "kw" instead of creating a useless character.

Fortunately, Q is almost always buffered from contact with other letters by U, a little-used vowel of ill repute. This is a sure sign that the letter Q is a useless, co-dependent letter that is utterly incapable of doing anything on its own.

The extremely rare "naked Q" (that is, without its protective U) is the ultimate lexigraphical abomination, and is for the most part limited to foreign pagan languages, and names of weird unchristian countries, like Qatar which no Godfearing red-blooded patriotic American would be caught dead in.

Q is thought, by some people, to be a deformed relative of O. Others believe, for obvious reasons, that O is female and Q is male. Most people, however, believe that these people are either idiots or Time lords, and should be burned at the stake while being forced to eat their own guts.

Q is the reason for the Bush Administration entering Iraq, as it is the connection between Iraq and Al Qaeda.

The Roots of the letter Q

The roots of Q stem an early begining from the Arabiq letter, Qfuck (During the first Gulf War).

Mathmatic Usage

Q represents the answer in Barton's Rock Mass Stability Method (used in the 70s by tour managers to calculate how stable a rock concert audience is), and performed thusly:

Values assigned thusly:

• RQD (Roofies-Quaaludes-Dope): how cracked up the band is
• Jn (Joint number): number of joints consumed by audience
• Jr (Joint rawnes): rawness of joints (green)
• Ja (Join accessories): amount of food consumed by audience
• Jw (Joint wine): amount of alcohol consumed by audience
• SRF (Stress on Roadie Factor): stress level of roadies, bouncers, and security
• Π (not in the formula, but it is a funny number)

Based on the value of Q, tour managers would usually follow a set list of procedures:

• 0-20: Shoot up, give the band some coke, finish show.
• 21-40: Finish show as normal.
• 41-60: Play 3 more encores, and then end show.
• 61-80: Play "Freebird" and then end show.
• 81-100: Play "Happy Trails" and then end show.
• 101-150: Get the band off stage, drive away swiftly.
• 151-200: Get the lead singer off stage, board helicopter, escape.
• 201-300: Fuck the band, get yourself on the chopper.
• 301-500: Say your prayers, wait to die.
• 501+ : PARTY!

Symbolism

Q is the international symbol for the fucking hand gesture. Make a ring out of the index finger and thumb of the right hand, poke through that ring with the index finger of the left hand, mouth the phrase "fuck me" to your girlfriend--boyfriend/wife/husband/brother/sister/doctor/priest/goat/octopus.

Recipe

There are simple recipies for a fine tasting Q or the non alcaholic kid-safe "q" 1.A simple letter l. If no l is availible, use an I, 1,/ or\.(use slash for kid safe) Now 2."git un' uh dem cir"Q"lar thingies" An O (0 or o can also be used) First cut your 1st ingredient in half. And stab it through your "cirQlar thingy" but it in a bottle and chose: Shaken or stirred, or baked into a piecake eggpie. Note: must be served in a "Qtini glass"

Uses of the Letter "Q"

• Q
• Qcumber
• Q card
• Stage Q
• Q-tip
• Waiting in the Q
• Qticle
• Quack (duck)

See Also

• Alphabet
• Iraq
• Qatar
• Queue
• Q-day
• Quad_Damage