A common Scientologist recruitment technique
The Prophet of Scientology AND Pientology

“...Huh?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Scientology

“It's Scient AND ology at the same time!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Scient ology

“What in the...DC-8's with ROCKETS! I want one.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Space Ships and Scientology

An off-shoot of a radical arm of the Church of Christ, Scientist (the "Chistian Scientists," or "Christian Science Monitors"), Scientology was devised as a prank by pure energy beings that hated the movie Top Gun and unleashed their doomsday device (Kirstie Alley) to destroy Earth through gaseous emissions.

Scientology is also the most popular cult film ever made. Based on a book by famous sci-fi author Old Mother Hubbard, and directed by Tom Cruise it tells of how a struggling misfit thinks of a grand scheme to make loads of money by starting his own religion. John Travolta plays the lead role of Elron (AKA "Enron") who is possessed by microscopic Jehovah's witnesses disguised as "kashkows". Elron then creates the Church of Scientology and releases a fitness video called Dianetics (named for Diana Ross who's 1983 hit Muscles plays endlessly during the video) and generally cashes in.

Followers of Scientology are Scientists, not to be confused with Scientologists.

Scientists have developed with time, the most clever scheme to make themselves millionaires. They gather people to explain to them that they are unhappy, fat, ugly and impotent due to the presence of alien souls in their spirits. They call these souls "dollars". In order to cure people, they will remove all the dollars from them physically, although a check or credit card will do also.

Scientology Fish

If the individual doesn't want to give his dollars to the scientists, they will call him a "jew", and will perform a personal holocaust on him. Other times they will complain that the individual is just "a suppressive person".

Suppressive persons can be cured from this condition by giving dollars to the scientists. Come on, you know you are one of those. Read my book. You'll find out why. Bring those alien souls here. You will be lighter and 'clearer' and hopefully better looking and rich like Tom Cruise and John Travolta when you are all clear.

Another popular ritual is known as the "Purification". During "Purification" copious amounts of Ulta-Super-Potent Heterosexual Cruise Semen are ingested in order to lower cholesterol, boost circulation and cause herpes-like sores to cover the mouth area... the sign of a true believer. "Purification" is usually followed by the "Golden Shower Rundown".

Rumor has it the secret ending of "Scientology" is so spectacular, so mind-bogglingly fantastic, that packs of lawyers have been unleashed to prevent anyone from spoiling the ending. See it today!

Scientists will also play an important role in helping George W. Bush take his presidency back in 2010.

The name stems from "science" and "logic", so scientists are people who conduct science purely by applying logic. By the raw force of logic they unveiled many secrets of the universe, e. g. they were able to conclude that the primary purpose of Xenu's space planes is transporting people to the cinema.

Contents

Scientolgy Formulae

In the Scientology doctrine people use this formulae to overcome diseases, fly, become a higher being and generally be super cool and better than everyone else




If then generally people wont get any recognition. Or help from the doctrine.

Minions of Scientology

In the basement of its L.A. lair, Scientology keeps packs of rabid attack lawyers, raised on beatings and the rare scraps of live human beings. Scientology releases these lawyers whenever it feels someone is making fun of it.

Also in the basement, next to the unused ping-pong table, are the brainwashers, both retired CIA and KGB agents with years of experienced in getting brains washed correctly. Without these important, dedicated people, Scientology could never have convinced perfectly sane and reasonable people like Tom Cruise and John Travolta to become Scientologists.

And locked in the basement, next L. Ron Hubbard's old Life and Hustler magazines, is Jack Parsons, the rocket-scientist and occultist who gave L. Ron Hubbard and Emma Watson the idea to start a religion for the purposes of getting money. A long time ago, Hubbard, Watson, and the early Scientology church faked Parsons' death by making it seem Parsons died in a mysterious explosion. In reality, Parsons was kidnapped and held in Hubbard's basement to protect the secret of Scientology not being a real religion but the plot for a sci-fi serial, and so Hubbard could gloat on how he scammed Parsons out of thousands of dollars with his boat scheme.

Facts on Scientology

Famous Scientists

Including

See also: