Realistic sailing, all scaled properly, in the Atlantic Ocean

“I endorse this game”

~ Bobby Henderson (Pasta B.U.H.) on Sid Meier's Pirates!


Sid Meier's Pirates! is a realistic game released on XBox that attempts to stimulate piracy, produced by Sid Meier. It is known for its extremely cruel and direct portrayal of acts of piracy and also its sophisticated plot that involves a historical Grand Conspiracy in Europe. It also covers the fact that pirates would rape their cabin boys, a subject Sid Meier would often give his "full attention to".

The original idea of the game was inspired by the life of the infamous pirate, Alberto Gonzales, who once took Sid Meier captive when he was secretly on vacation in Cuba.


Spoiler
Spoiler

Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that the colonel and Rosemary are actually Metal Gear Arsenal's AI, Luigi is Mr. L, Kerrigan gets captured by the Zerg and is turned into their queen, Number Six escapes from The Village, Titus Andronicus bakes Tamora's sons in a pie and feeds them to her, they save Private Ryan, but they all get killed, Kristin Shepard shot J.R., Tony gets shot by Chino and dies in Maria's arms, the tyrannosaur attacks the raptors, letting Grant and the others get away, Niles and Daphne get together, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!!

[edit] Story

Marquis de la Montalban descending on an innocent Spanish trader

The player takes up the role of the Marquis de la Montalban, a Spanish nobleman cast out by the communist régime of Francisco Franco.

Fleeing to the Caribbean, he hires the scientist Alex Chiu to build a time machine capable of teleportation so that he can go back in time. Equipped with Chiu's immortality devices -- a pair of Neodymium rings and a pair of foot braces -- Marquis Montalban goes back in time to commit piracy against Spain so that it will not produce Franco's communist régime. (Unfortunately, historically that only changed Franco's government to a fascist one.)


As Montalban is immortal in the game, he will not die physically. However, the goal of the game is to bring down the Spanish Empire and have another colonial power rise in its place before the year 1901.

Of course, a kink is thrown in the plan when Montalban's distant cousin Ricardo Montalban comes into play, challenging Montalban to a duel. Montalban then slays Montalban, ending the blood-feud forever, with only Montalban standing on top.

Warning: The above text contains spoilers. What? Oh shit! I should have told you earlier. My bad.

[edit] Irony

I didn't buy it, I copied it.