“I never knew Vulcans could be so hot.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Enterprise
Star Trek: Enterprise was a television show chronicling the true events of the first crew of the USS Enterprise under its first captain, Jonathan Archer. Enterprise had many clear contradictions with the rest of the Star Trek series, thus causing all the previously released shows to be considered non-canon.
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History
The original TV shows were not always wrong. History itself had changed when Dr. Sam Beckett from The Future unwittingly performed a Quantum Leap into the body of Captain Archer. He never figured out how to leap out again, and so spent the rest of his days as captain of the Enterprise, changing history left and right (It is speculated that all he had to do was sign a birthday card to Commander T'Pol). Thus, Star Trek: Enterprise is currently the only television show ever that is completely true to history.
Fan Response
Response to the series has been varied. It has been most wide praised by snotty intellectual types, glad to see historical accurateness in television. "I can only hope other TV producers will follow suit," says University Dean Al Gore. "It pains me to see, for example, that Elmo of Sesame Street is still not depicted as the genocidal terrorist he actually was."
Many loyal Star Trek fans, however, are angry at the idea that some of their favorite adventures with Captain Kirk never happened. "I still remember the time Kirk seduced those voluptuous green women," one nerd was heard to exclaim on hearing the news. "I fall to sleep every night with the image in my head. Don't you DARE try to tell me it didn't happen!"
Amateur Leaps
Other fans, however, have seen this as an opportunity to make their fan fictions become part of Star Trek canon. Some have simply tried mailing their works to Dr. Beckett, hoping that when he leaps to the Enterprise he will see them through. Dr. Beckett, at the present time, is only 7 months old, so at this point he usually just chews on the papers given to him.
Others have attempted to make their own Quantum Leaps, to change the timeline to include their fan fiction. So far, nobody has been able to leap far enough back. The farthest anyone has leapt back in time so far was to the Colonial Age, into the body of a chicken. It has been suggested that this is why chicken eggs are so darn tasty nowadays.
Changes to the Timeline
The events of Star Trek: Enterprise left many staggering alterations in the Star Trek timeline. These are the major changes we are currently aware of:
- Although his sexual exploits were still large in number, Captain Kirk married at a young age, and was often heard to say, "I'm gonna hear about this from the missus when I get home tonight."
- Mr. Spock regularly wore a goatee, while his alternate universe counterpart had a mohawk and wore a monocle.
- Scotty was completely erased from history, his role being replaced by the bumbling castaway Gilligan.
- The Enterprise's Mission Statement was amended to include, "To throw bitchin' parties."
- The Klingon language became a slightly more advanced form of Pig Latin.
- Kirk's record for longest interval between two words in the same sentence has been shortened from 3 hours to a mere 42 minutes.
- Half the crew was Mexican.
Changes occurring later in the timeline are still being researched.