Uncyclopedia:DYK submissions

This is where you can submit Did You Know entries. List your submission(s) below, and if the admins decide it's worthwhile, it will be added to the main page template. You can sign your submissions if you want, but really, there's not much credit to be given here so you may not want to bother.

Q: Why is DYK now locked?
A: Because when it was freely editable, it was repetitive, unfunny, got way too huge, and was too time-consuming for the admins to manage.

Q: When will my submission appear?
A: When an admin decides that it's good enough for the front page. A warning: DYK is low priority for most admins. It may not be updated with new submissions frequently, and many entries will be deleted without making it to the main template. Here's how to maximize your chances:

Search the current DYKs and make sure yours isn't a repeat. No, "...that 74.6% of statistics are made up" won't cut it, sorry.
Link to good pages in your DYK.
Sequence DYKs (i.e. using two or three or four indented entries for one DYK) are allowed, but don't go overboard.
DO SOMETHING ORIGINAL. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BE ORIGINAL.

Q: What is the template format?
A: All the DYKs are thrown into a random blender using the <choose> tags. That means only one (or a few) DYK will appear on the front page each time you load the page. So no, your DYK will not automagically appear after it's accepted.

Q: What about "Do You Care"?
A: Do You Care entries are mainly for highlighting great past articles.

Submit your DYKs below this line

...I am hungry for a lovin'?
...that the longest word that you can type with your left hand on a standard QWERTY keyboard is sfweravagatvzw1sdafwavawearfweraqwertgggbvadwrrr5adfzcczdwqrazfawervattwert6errtgqzvgastrwerafvaffertdfaewrvagtraeecxawerfawedcvaqtgze3twer?
...that all americans are stupid?
...that Jesus wore underpants made of hemp fiber?
...that Britney Spears brainwashed you into wanting to fuck her?
...that I don't actually have a CPU, I force 30 japanese teenagers to memorize a bunch of zeros and ones?
...that its the motion of the ocean, and not the size of the boat?
...that there are several howler monkeys creeping up behind you??
...that chicken really did say: What a stunning piece of shit!!! ?
...that Richard Stallman's IP Address is 128.30.16.48 and that he is running Linux 2.4.x with OpenSSH 3.8.1p1 Debian-krb5 3.8.1p1-7 (protocol 2.0) on port 22, rpcbind on port 111, status on port 780, as well as nlockmgr on port 32768?
...that if you don't pick at it, it'll heal quicker?
...that contrary to popular belief, rectal hemorrhagging is not a common side-effect of a healthy life style.
...that loading Google, and then forgetting what you wanted to search for is one of the early warning signs of a tumor?
...that I can believe it's not butter? It's not that hard to believe, actually.
...that He-Man apparently has the power?
...that Superman doesn't realize people can see his package, and no one has the heart to tell him?
...what you were doing before you ended up here?
...where you were going before you ended up here?
...How you ended up here anyway?
...that the best thing before sliced bread was, in fact, croissants?
...that chicken said: What a stunning piece of shit!!! ?
...that if more societies burned environmentalists instead of coal, CO2 emissions could be cut by up to 40%?
...Joan Rivers contains more mercury than 10'000 humans blended into a delicious soylent smoothie available now at all good retailers?
...every year more than half a million OAPs are melted down for scrap?
...that the square root of 422 is a forbidden number?
...that he is coming for you?
...the cookie monster has dyslexia ?
...that in soviet Russia, article writes you?
...hammering a raw carrot into each eye socket causes blindness?
...that the reason Vader is Luke's father and Snape kills Dumbledore is because you touch yourself at night?
...that Wikipedia is a comical parody of Uncyclopedia?
...that Oscar Wilde can't believe it's not butter?
...that nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition?
...that there are snakes on the plane?
...that she should've been a son?
...nobody loves you.
...if you were not so ugly you would have a girlfriend
... that I'm pregnant with twin daughters, and you're the father?
...that Beethoven's Für Elise is also known as the Bat Fuck Insane song?
... If you pick up a hamster by it's hindlegs, its eyes will fall out?
... that I am Darth Vader, and you, Luke, are my son?
... that Uncyclopedia is all fun and games until someone loses an eye?
... that RTFM means Rolling on The Floor Masturbating?
...that Pawtucket is actually known as "Aw, fuck it"?
...that I hate Haiku's? Anybody writing them, is an idiot.
...the scooby gang revealed that Freddy Krueger was actually Mr.Wickles, the owner of the abandoned gold mine, wearing a rubber mask?
...that there was never actually a man from Nantucket?
...that no matter how much you try, you will not get laid?
...that buffalo angels have been hunted to near extinction for their buffalo wings?
...that the theory that amputation of the left leg is a cure for the common cold is not widely accepted in medical circles?
...that you should call it GNU\Linux?
...that you can get blood out of my stone
...that Tigger is your real father?
...that wake up, that loser is actually your father, yes, your father?
...that you are wasting your time?
...that your mother hopes you are an upstanding clever boy?
...that Uncyclopedia makes $100 billion in profits every year off of ads in the Did You Know Section?
... that 54% of your body contains chocolate milk?
...that sentences with question marks on the end piss me off? What!? Ah, FUCK!
...that you suck?
[[.]]..that John Fecalshed is purported to have said, "Anyone who thinks Theodore Roosevelt 's Saccharin crusade is n 't dangerous is an idiot".
...that there once was a man from Nantucket, and that the rumors surrounding his phallus are quite exaggerated?
- ...that there once was a man from Pawtucket, and that the labial folds surrounding his phallus are quite your sister's?
...that there once was a man named Oedipus Rex, and that you may have heard about his odd complex?
...that the artist formerly known as Prince is formally known as Prince?
...that George Orwell was wrong about 1984?
that this is the only DYK that doesn't start with elipses?
... That all DYKs begin with elipses?
...that some people are so fat they can't fit in three arena seats, let alone one?
...that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, beloved president of the Iranian people, is a staunch zionist and lover of America.
...that obsessive purging of the In the news section is the number one cause of stigmata in the United States.
...that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?
...that Judge Justice Mann will smite your ass?
...that not only does Jesus hate you, but your mom, This Guy, and Mr. T hate you, too?
...that soliciting someone for sodding and soiling the rear is not as sordid as it sounds?
...that this is an example?
...that dodongo dislikes smoke, yet has no qualms with crack cocaine?
...that I'm vandalising your page right now?
...that I know who You are?
... The pension schemes for suicide bombers are amongst the worst of any industry?
... If you think of your nipples when you're cold it actually warms you up?
... Keiko the whale was actually the Bumble Bee Guy off The Simpsons in a whale costume trying to get some more money for his family?
... If Shaft shakes his rump in Chicago, bitches feel the force in China?
...when you cross plutonium and Superman, you get Chuck Norris?
...Goofy is a major mafia don?
...Jack is back?
...that Superman has been changed to Super-Duperman overnight?
...yuor eeys olny look at the fsrit two lrtetes of a wrod?
...that Fresca is the collected blood of a thousand martyred saints?
... that the zombies are outside your door?
... that your mummy is with 'em too?
... that diamonds are actually biogenetically engineered in a large bio-engineering plant in Greenland?
...that someone fucked up DYK with subnested choose tags, and that part of the Spartacus section doesn't make sense now that someone removed the choose tags? --∩intendorulez (talk) 16:53, 28 March 2006 (UTC)
...that your Strength has improved by 39?

(uses templates, obviously, to generate random stuff. I saw something like that already, but didn't comprehend it on account of the scripting being dead. --Kalir, Savant of Utter Foolishness! (yell at me) 18:46, 28 March 2006 (UTC))

(saw that one again recently. Can we please fix it? --Kalir, Savant of Utter Foolishness! (yell at me) 23:28, 30 March 2006 (UTC))

...that, whilst 75.5% of statistics are made up, 324.65/2/4.3% are impossible?
...that AAAAAAAAA! is actually a clone?
- ...that the above editor was burned 44.6/15.536% for heresy?
...that 0% of statistics are made up? THEY'RE ALL TRUE, DAMN IT!
...that on June 6, 2006, Satan will rise. 6/6/06. No I am not a satanist. Satanist people are creepy and gay and shitty at the same time. Or simultaneously.
- ...that Satan will only rise 666%?
...that these percentage jokes are boring now?
...that nobody likes me, everybody hates me, and I'm going to go eat worms?
- ...that everbody hates him, but only 52%?
...that I'm going to be blocked 100% for making stupid jokes like this?
...that black holes are where God divided by zero?
- ...100%?
...that 99% of all entries should be placed as far away as possible from this entry, lest I make a stupid percentage joke on them?

Current DYKs

...that you have new messages?
- ...that I have more?

...that 99% of heroin users started out on milk?

...that due to international copyright laws, U Can't Touch This?

...that that if if you you were were wearing wearing 3D 3D glasses glasses right right now, now, this this sentence sentence would would knock knock you you unconscious? unconscious?

...that the U.S. Government invented l33t for use in printing license plates on its cars to track which department they belonged to? Thus, a common plate for a Postal Serice-owned car reads "P05741", a CIA-owned vehicle reads "5PY0NU", and an IRS-owned vehicle reads "74X35-D347H".

...that zebras don't have stripes, and every single picture you've seen of them has been Photoshopped?

...that, since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?

...that your Staff Skill just went down by 1 simply by reading this sentence?

...that there is no other word for thesaurus?

...The world’s only vending machine vending machine is in Kathmandu?

...that the gorilla in King Kong was real, but Jack Black was created with CGI?

...Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, but he never cries?

...that it was Colonel Mustard in the Broom Closet with Your Mom?
- ...and the lead pipe?

...that I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green is actually marmoset?

...that the Holocaust is a controversial but hilarious subject?

...that Oscar Wilde beat cancer(and by cancer we mean small children)?

... that I touched it? Fuck you, Hammer.

... that the Google Adverts here are sometimes funnier than the stories? Why not click one!

... that Diet Santa dresses in white, has no beard and very few teeth?

...that the phrase "Did You Know" is copyrighted by Scholastic Publishing and this website is currently being sued for unauthorised use?

...that, following Greenpeace protests, it was made illegal to eat cheese taken from the moon?

... that Billy Bob Thornton knows what you did last summer?

... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? The beautiful irony in God's universe is that the 72 are all male Star Trek geeks.

... that this is not a pipe?

... that my Oedipal tendancies are a RIGHT, damn it!

...that until "The Great Orange Movement of 1921" Cheetos were Lime-Green?

...that it's probably not weekend (The chance is 5/7)?

...that if an admin even contemplates updating the DYK section, his existence will be negated?

...that instead of eating or drinking, Mr. T absorbs the crushed self-esteem of the fools he has pitied?

...that using the wrong kind of feces in your Poop Cuisine can lead to a metallic aftertaste?

...that the external combustion engine is over 300% more efficient than its internal counterpart?

...that 2006 is the year of the Bonsai Kitten?

...that Jesus can walk on water?
...that your love is my love?
...that no one loves you not?
...that Jesus loves you, but everybody else thinks you're a dick?

...that I give a shit only after taking laxatives?
...that chocolate-flavoured Ex-Lax works splendidly?

...that Spiderman has a small penis?

...that there are in fact several wrong ways to eat a Reese's?

...that Loke is the god or angel of Change Management depending on your view?

...that a bird in hand is better than crabs in bush?

...that I.C. York-Hunt looks just like Mike Hunt?
...I.C. York-Hunt and raise you one Hugh G. Rection?

...that Mr. Wizard is a liar?

...that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance?

...that in mother Russia, the fool pities you!

...that oldthinkers unbellyfeel Unped?
...that Encydram and Wikped are doubleplusungood crimethinks?
...that Sophia is watching you?

...that James Bond fought for our freedom on numerous occasions, yet not one single day is set aside in his honour?

...that the shampoo adverts were lying, you are in fact not worth it.

...that the creamiest milk, the whitest bar, the good taste thats in Milky Bar was actually paraphrased from a much more disturbing (and incriminating) inaugural speech by Richard Nixon?

...that there are at least three other businesses like show business, as proved by Al Gore in 1976?

...that Anonymous does not forgive?

...that I'm moist?

...that SpongeBob Squarepants is actually a cartoon adaptation of the Ronald Reagan presidency?

...that it is better to have loved and lost than to have lost and found?

...that Fritz Alain won so many awards for teaching Ancient Russian?

...that tin cans, with a string stretched between them, were invented in 1810 by Al Gore?

...that people in New York change careers as often as their underwear?
...that people in New York don't change their underwear?
...that people in New York don't know the difference between software and underwear?

...that the body of Jimmy Hoffa, dressed in womens clothing, was found in a Tucson basement?

...that June is National Boycott Websites that Insult Their Contributors Month? See ya in July, asswipe!

...that more 200,000 people die every year of papercuts?

...that Journey only appears to have eight letters?

...where your children were at 11PM last night?
...that God made children so annoying on purpose so people wouldn't have too many of them?

...that in 1804, Lewis and Clark set forth across America only to discover... themselves?

...that all the evil people in Star Wars have a British accent?

...that Soylent Green is brown?

...that A Pricing Analyst is the world's third oldest profession, right after the whore and the pimp?

...that my other ride is your mom?

...that, according to Steven Tyler, a reason for losing your mind sure can be the fact of going crazy?

...that Elvis assassinated JFK with his partner in crime, the Lindbergh baby?

...that your wife is cheating on you with the pool boy?

...that Billy Joel is an accredited driving instructor?

...that the toaster was invented by accident by a piece of bread which attempted to commit suicide?

...that Vincent Van Gogh was the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous?

...that although Gridley Bryant invented many railroad technologies in the 1820s, he never wrote any of the Thomas the Tank Engine books?

...that Beaver College changed its name to Flange College because it "too often misled wildlife conservationists"?

...that in a pinch, hydrogen peroxide can be substituted for alcohol in most cocktails?

...shit?

...that a coping saw is used to overcome weight loss, alcoholism, and gambling addictions?

...that all trees speak, but only some people hear them?

...that Anti-pesticidal maniacs are responsible for the extinction of on average six species of insect every day?

...that the maximum number of cats you can juggle is fourteen, after which you can juggle no more?

...that the Sun God's gift of cancer is honourable?

...that the construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza was twice halted because the builders ran out of Lego bricks?

...that some species of turtle are remarkably resistant to centrifugal force, and can reach upwards of 5000 rpm before their wee little flippers fall off?

...that Afghanistan's primary export, after hard drugs, is dental floss?

...that Mussolini's favourite film was Land Before Time IV?

...that Tolstoy had to completely rewrite his manuscript for War and Peace when his hard drive crashed?

...that for every sixteen breaths you take, Sting earns a million dollars?

...that due to its evil, Planet Rupert is invisible to anyone who is pure of heart.

...that two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left?
...that two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do?
...that four lefts make a circle?

...that at the moment, I'm not wearing any pants?

...that all wooden legs are sold with a kick-stand?

...that a Sponge Bob Square Pants is actually a form of contraceptive?

...that questions end in question marks? Not with periods. Or exclamation points!

...that we're much better than Were You Aware, Didst Thou Ken, and DidYouKnowYourName?

...that after Fantasy Island, that guy who yelled "Da plane, da plane !" would return to his native Iraq to serve government official Dr. Asiphus Al Hussein ?

...that all your base are belong to us?

...that the world is NOT actually your oyster, it belongs to ME - ALL MINE!!

...that Baby Jesus cries every time Limp Bizkit comes out with another album?

...that you touch yourself at night?

...that the flooding of New Orleans was actually caused by a suicide plumber?

...that I just saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Gecko?

...that when I un-buckle my Trousers of Justice, I unleash the purple-veined Sword of Truth?

...that most superheroes wish they were working part-time? Quality day-care is hard to find these days.

...that at four o'clock all the honest politicians will shrink down to two feet?

...that encoded into the dot of the "i" in the well-known phrase "Tesco - Every Little Helps" is a carefully worded contract binding your soul and all earthly estate to the will of Beelzebub, our Dark Lord and Master?

...that the popular online game ZZT was actually invented in 1943 by Japanese scientists as an interrogation device? Moreover, did you know that it had a nausea inducement rate of 97% in early trials?

...that when you play the album 'The Last Tour on Earth' by Marilyn Manson backwards you can actually hear the voice of Jesus spreading the gospel?

...the muffin man?

...that everybody loves you, baby. We're all going England crazy.

...that I have the biggest penis? And the smallest hands?
...that ^ actually has a tiny penis and huge hands? Ladies, don't be fooled.

...that life is a sexually transmitted disease?

...that WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, and that IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH?

...that Bill Gates has a good reason to name his company MicroSoft?
...that he named it that because it describes his penis?
...that you should name your company NanoSoft?
...that micro- means one millionth and nano- means one billionth?
...that in the long run, both mean tiny?

...that I'm the last Prophet of God?

...that Oceania is at war with Eurasia (it has always been at war with Eurasia)?
...that ^ is two minutes out of date? Oceania is at war with Eastasia, fool!

...that Phil the mechanic has the keys to my garage?

...that 75% of all Did you knows are made by 12-year-old bed wetters? - Hey shut up man, you're not playing the game. - You shut up! - No you shut up! - Look, all of you just shut up!
...that I'm not a bed wetter?
...that actually I lied. I am.

...that the guy from Green Day stole my gothic sister's makeup?
...that he stole her panties too?

...that you have the right to remain silent, and that anything you say can and will be used against you?

...that in the criminal justice system the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: The police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and that these are their stories, doink doink?

...that suicide bombers are a bunch of show offs?

...that you are likely to be eaten by a Grue?

...that Jesusland is NOT a theme park?

...that the Romans are currently looking for the one they call Spartacus?
...that I am Spartacus?
...that no, that I am Spartacus?
...that ...silence... I am Spartacus?
...that only one of these men is the real Spartacus - the other two are impostors. Panel, read along with me, if you will: "I am Spartacus. I was born and raised as a slave. In 73 BC I led a historic slave rebellion against the Roman upper-class. Our battle against the Roman legions, became known as the Third Servile War. Signed Spartacus."
...that my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius - father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next?
...that my name is Biggus Dickus, and I rank highly in Rome!
...that this may be our last chance to use indented bullet points before EvilZak gets back from vacation?
...that we better make the most of it while we can?
...that we'll make the bullet points undent rather than indent, before this all gets too silly?
...that I'll be Spartacus too, if you want?
...that I'm the Real Slim Shady?
...that he's Spartacus?
...that Spartacus can dance if he wants to?

...that I'm running out of ideas for DYKs?

...that chicken said: What a stunning piece of shit!!! ?
That the irish invented computers in the 1500s, but then discovered beer?
...that the Holocaust isn't funny? My grandfather died in it. He fell off the guard tower...
...that the US budget went over because of your mom
...Macintosh computers are for terrorists?
...The big toe makes up 78.3% of the human's body weight?
...DNA stands for 'Da nuclear asshole?'
...Phil Osophy invented the sock
...that Michael Jackson was finally revealed as an invention used by aliens to collect information on humans that had gone wrong?
...that in Soviet Russia, Did You Know answer submits YOU!!
...that sex you I did?
...that my dream is to own a trailer and have pink flamingo lawn ornaments?
...that Hitler was lying to you through subliminal messages placed strategically in billboards?
...that Jack Bauer wants to kill you?
...that you're a n00b?
...that your child smokes pot?
... that 'penis' spelt backwards is 'sinep'?
...that your daughter isn't a virgin?
...that your mom goes to college?
...that your mom is at college?
...that college sucks?
...you're ugly?
... your face?
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
...that you'll never achieve anything?
...that you're wearing a wig?
...that that one guy has 12 fingers?
...that 1=0
...that God does *not* have a penis?
...that due to the latest hightech studies, the more is not always the merrier, three is not company, but more like a get together, and to have a crowd there has to be at least 7 people
...The world’s only vending machine vending machine is in Kathmandu?
...That Jamaican Mud Men are the only livng decendents of god
...that really long lists are a mind control device invented by Bill Gates?
...that there is no other word for thesaurus?
...that most mongolian salamanders are color-blind?
...that according to a recent 1739 survey, Happy Land has been slowly creeping towards peoples' garages. Suposedly so it can better understand cave crickets.
...that as a methodist i can only listen to the wu tang clan.
...that I know what you're doing right now...you are currently reading this sentance.
...that iPods are best for iDiots.
...I can burp the Swedish national anthem?
...that she only want me for my pimp juice?
...that ALL females contain volital chemicals and may explode on you any second.
...that you are a giant pimple on man kind's fat ass and will never be of any use to anyone, exept the hookers in the back alley.
...that guys that wear eyeliner are hot, but guys that wear girls pants are just gay?
...that David Kroos is the apocolypse?
...that nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition?
...that Reese Witherspoon is really a man in drag?
...that there is no spoon?
...that there is No Cow Level?
...that in Ancient Egypt Pokemons Own YOU?
...that Bulgaria was found in 681?
...that the "La Cucaracha" song is sung by kindergarten students and Mexican drunkers?
...that nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, except the Bulgarian Inquisitions, which was the first Inquisition in the world?
...that Pope John Paul II counted to infinity not once, but twice, to win a bet with God
...where i put my pants, just didn't tell me so I would look stupid at work?
...that only some of your base are belong to us?
...your taxes are growing?
...schizophrenics live in houses made of soap?
...that guy?
...that all Americans are stupid?
...if you tolerate this then your childern will be next?