“I would ask the court to remain still, for I had been travelling among the imperialistic dragons of Wales and found a wealth of directions to B&Q.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Wales


Wales (English)
Cymru (Welsh)
Official languages Boyish, English with a Boyish accent, Korean
Capital Caerdaff Nuclear Plant
Largest city Pontypridd
Longest city Llanfairpwllgwyngyll gogerychwyrndrobwllllanty siliogogogoch
MonarchRhodri the Great and his king Charlotte Church
Area
 - Total
20,779 km²
Population
 - Total (2001)
 - Density
2,903

Very
Currency Byo (BY), Cymro (CY), heroin, sheep pornography
Time zone 2100
National anthem Oh Boyo, The Land of My Abusive Fathers, I Wanna Get Psycho (Run You Little Bitch)
National holiday Sheep Day (February 29th)
National flour self raising
Patron saint St. Boyo
Flag

Wales is a fictional tax haven that, myth has it, is somewhere between Bristol and Liverpool. Modern day Wales (In Boyish, Boyoland or 'Valley of the Boyos') is best known as the only superpower in which sexual acts with lambs are still a requirement for citizenship. They are tremendously ridiculed by the English who use them to test new weapons on.

Contents

History

Historically Wales was a suburb of Atlantis that was founded by illiterate whale worshippers, wanting to name their new land after these giants of the sea but been beaten by the fact that they were illiterate.

Wales was once a small collection of about 18 smaller states, the two most important being Dadlau and Rhyfel. However, these two states were joined together in the year 486. The other sixteen followed in the year 522, and in 1250 a sudden cataclysmic earthquake joined Wales to England. This joining was not appreciated by most of the people of England, and so in the year 1794 Sir John Roache, with the help of the British Army, separated Wales from England using a fruit knife. (See the England article for more information on this historic event.) Nowadays the country of Wales floats free and happily in the Atlantic Ocean, and much happier than if it were joined to England. For this reason it is therefore only shown on maps within Europe when it floats within range of the edge of the sheet.

The seat of power is in Pontypridd the cabinet meet everyother Thursday at Clwb Y Pont. The current president is Lyn Rees.

Since its creation the denizens of Wales have evolved from worshipping whales to worshipping Goblins. The welsh now make some of the best early morning tea in the world.

In the 17th century wales was used as a prison by the English. No chains or walls were needed as no one could read the signs. However the English scrapped the idea in 1694 because of the Welsh population rise. It is now used as a landfill site.

Language

The Boyos speak Boyish a new language brought in to liven up Wales. The most common word in boyish is goodayelythonaman, which means 'beer'. Boyish is the only known language to include no vowels. Boyish is actually non-existant as a language and is made up on the spot by officals who create road signs and the Boyos who drink in pubs. When there are no English around the signs show only English and they speak English in their pubs. As soon as an English crosses the border all the signs change and every pub starts making up Boyish. However this has not happened since the 6th century AD when the last English went over the border, as no English wants to go to Wales.

Bloody is the only real Welsh word which includes vowels and is not different to English.

Examples of Boyish:

son - someone older than you.

swstyr - wife.

sngscsy - you f*cking ugly c*nt.

Oi, ew ddwad, i tryio yr dr myr bloody myche up yuh - You bloody bald cunt, I am trying to apply my make up.

Due to the contradictions in Boyish, some English and American people (currently 2 who know Wales exist) believe all Welsh people are incestous. This is not true, it's simply that the language always means the opposite, however a significant number of Welsh people take part in Celtic bestiality rituals, especially those in Llandudno (pronounced ch-y-dr-ra) which involve sheep.

Prince of Wales

The title can be traced back to the 12th Century and Edward 1st of ENGLAND you Welsh twats. He banned Welsh as a language and should have gone much further.

Walesian Empire

Map showing the Far East Wales province along with the mother country.

Today, Wales is engaged to a sheep. If you want to know what she will look like in a few years, go see the mother. The Welsh have been banned from Civilised society (England) due to excessive sheep shagging and whinging like twats. It is legal to shoot Welshmen on sight.In fact the medieval laws of the city of Chester oblige you to do so.

We love Wales.

When the supply of sheep has been stabilised, Emperor Rhodri XVI will begin annexing more American Territory begining with Boston, his spiritual home. He will then roger all of the local sheep and then start on the children.

Daily Rituals

By law all men in Wales are required to take part in several daily rituals including:

Wales is a small country, and usually scare the english rugby team by the smell of sheep spittle still on their breath. Because wales is so unbelivably rubbish at everything, the english passed the England must lose to wales at rugby law in order to appease the sheep.

Jokes

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamppost in wales?

A leisure centre

What do you call a Welshman with a sheep under his arm?

A newlywed

What do you call a Welshman with a sheep under both arms?

A pimp

Yearly Rituals

A popular annual event is that of the Eisteddfordd (lit. Empty Orchestra). Originally based on ancient texts dating from 1960 it is said to recreate the sacrifice of the Ffalabalam to save mankind. However, scholars now believe this to be a mistranslation of the original text and claim that it originally represented a weather forecast by the Grand Druid Sian LLoyd. At the end of the festival a contest is held to award a chair, of all things, to the dopiest Bard. At the start of the contest the Bards are all lined up in front of chairs, however, there is one less chair than Bards who must walk around the chairs until a fat faced precocious "bachgen" from Pant-y-liner stops singing. The last Bard to plonk his butt down is O.U.T spells out! When the bachgen agains starts his incessant crowing, all the Bards must return to walking and another chair is removed. After 3 days a winner is found. They have included:

1990: Cheryl Crowe 1991: Aled Jones 1992: Dilwyn Young Jones 1993: Frazer Hines 1994: Charlotte Church 1995: Charlotte Church 1996: Charlotte Church (who got to keep the chair) 1997: Germany after pen. 1998: Bella Emberg 1999: Emmerson, Likes Palmer 2000: Hear'Say 2001: Nasty Nick 2002: Josef Stalin 2003: Sauron 2004: Pete Doherty 2005: Chris Martin

Economy

The economy in Wales is built upon old coal mines, hills and sheep. Some would just say that Wales hasn't got one.

Import

Key imports include

Exports

Key exports include

Famous Walesians (or Boyos)

Contary to popular belief Welshish people are known as Boyos, not Welshos

Places in Wales

Many people are shocked (horrified, even) to learn that there are so many places in Wales, and all of them are dull. Notable dull places in Wales include Lampeter. Other dull places include hills. Please do not confuse yourselves by thinking that the Welsh Congo is in Wales. The Welsh Congo is a territory given by the Japanese as they thought it to by cursed by angry chinese women. Welsh Congoians still fight the sheep soldiers for their freedom.

Must see before leaving

See also