William Shatner

"KHAAAAAAAN!"

~ Oscar Wilde on Khan

"Jim, you dont ask God for his calling card"

~ Scotty on William Shatner

The, following, article, is, presented, in, Shatnerese, for, those, suffering, from, William, Shatner, Syndrome

Shat, Man. William, Ignatius, "William Tiberius", Shatner, was, born in, 1931, in, Canada, although the, Canadian government, denies... this. He was, trained as, a, Shakespearean, actor, and gained, a reputation, as, a... genius, after his daring, interpretation, of, "Hamlet" (Retitled "Ham,let") in which, the, character, paused, for up to, sixteen minutes, between, words. Critics, felt, the pauses, captured, the torment, of, Hamlet, caught in, indecision, but, the production, ran almost, thirty six, hours. Shatner... later, was, a, popular, entertainer, was, known, for, his, nearly, God-like, acting, and, singing, abilities, and, was voted, twice, to be, People Magazine's, sexiest, man alive. Shatner, worked hard, in his life, to overcome, near constant, bouts, of, "verbal, diarrhœa.". In order, to commit, his unique speaking, voice, to print, he invented, the, comma, securing, his, place, in, the, history, books. Shatner, is, worshipped as a, God by, a religious sect known as, "Trekkies", who, take vows of, chastity, and, poverty,living without, sex, and without, bathing, in their, parents, basements, to prove, their undying, devotion, to their, God.

He, is, most, remembered, for, his, performance, in, Superior Tank Force Ultron, where, fans, prefer, him, to, sing, the, sweet, song, Sätt Tulpaner i mossa till mor.

He, often, recieved, visions, into, the, future, and, though, people, rarely, believed, him, all, his, told, prophecies, have, come, true. The, world, still, awaits, the, return, of, the, Terminator, of, whom, Shatner, spoke, in, his, book, "Terminator: He'll be back", humanity, lives, in, fear, the, date, was, said, to, be, October, 3rd, 2007.

Shatner, is, definitely, not, a, common person.

Claim, to, Fame

The, Shat, Man, is, most, widely, loved, for, his, magnificent, singing, voice, and, has, performed, for, greats, such, as, Fidel Castro, two, to, nine, Popes, and, Mark Wahlberg. Many, consider, William, Shatner's, "Lucy, In, The, Sky, With, Diamonds", (later, covered, by, The Beatles, in, 1834), to, be, his, best, work, and, his, new, "William, Shatner's, Turbo, 2000, Toupee, For, Men", a, true, triumph, in, the, Hairpiece, industry. In, 1998, marking, the, 30th, anniversary, of, "The, Transformed, Man," Shatner, became, the, first, and, only, artist, to, win, a, Lifetime, Achievement, Grammy, Award, for, "Best. Album. To. Ever. Be. Recorded."

The, Big Shat, has, over, five, fans, across, the, twelve, continents, of, the, world, who, are, well, known, to, the, law, enforcement, community. One, was, quoted, in, the, world's, media, as, saying: "In, a, perfect, world, everyone, is, married, to, William, Shatner. Even, William, Shatner, is, married, to, William, Shatner. Everyone, also, wants, in, when, it, comes, to, William, Shatner's, pants. Stop, laughing! That's, it! Scotty, beam, down, my, pants!"

See, Wil Wheaton, for, more, information.

Diseases

• William Shatner Syndrome, is more, commonly, known as, The Shatner Pause, targets, the, vocal chords, and, prevents them, from, vibrating; thus, making, you, have, to, pause awkwardly, between every, few words. People, suffering from this disease, include, The, Shat, Man, himself, and, many, characters, of, Final Fantasy X. Sounds suspiciously, like Christopher Walken, (the two have never, been photographed, together).

• Shatner's musical ebola - (AKA Bleeding Ear Syndrome) Willy's, latest, venture in Hollywood is, in the field, of music. Be, very cautious, when around, Mr. Shatner, for his singing, will cause, a, form of ebola, which includes, bleeding, only of the ears. Severe, cases, will cause, deafness. Other, causes, of this disease, include, William Hung, Kenny Chesney, most country, music singers, that guy who wrote, and sang, "American Pie," and Yoko Ono.

• Character-ended career disorder - CECD is, a, malease in which, a person, is pegged for life, as being, one character, from a show, and cannot, ever, get another serious role, because, they are always, that character. William, Shatner, has CECD, because, people always, think of him, as Captain Kirk. Other, sufferers, include, the guy who played Scotty, Leonard Nimoy, most people who, played a, Star Trek character from, any series, and the guy who played, Al Borland on, Home Improvement.

Facts

• William Shatner, is so, dangerously, sexy, he is a banned, substance, in, twelve states, and cannot be, imported, to, Florida, without a, permit.
• McGill, University, Montreal, voted itself to be, renamed, "William. Shatner. Uni. Versity". But McGill was not considered, sufficiently esteemed, to be honored with, the Shat-Man's name.
• An institution has been set up, which will serve as, a repository, for William Shatner's, genetic material. Several dozen liters, of material, have already been cryogenically frozen, enough to inseminate, 30 million women. and the foundation hopes to use, cloning techniques, to increase their stock, of material. By 2021, one in ten Americans will be the offspring of, William, Shatner. By 2093, 33% of the world will be a first, second, or third, generation descendant of, William Shatner. In 2150, more than 75% of the human race's genetic material will, be, Shatner's DNA.

Awards

• In, 106, AC, the, Romans, honored, the, Shat, man, with, the, holiday, of, Shatnernalia, which, eventually, morphed, into, the, Christian, Shatmas.
• Shatner, received, 7, awards, at, the, Country, Music, Awards, and, was, knighted, by, the, Queen of England, in, 1815, for, the, masterpiece.
• Has, Mad Cow Disease.
• Also, suffers, from, slashitus, which, causes, crazed, fangirls, to, write, stories, about, him, and, Spock, doing, the, dirty.
• Received, the, "Most, Awesome, Person", award, at, last, years, annual, Secret, Rulers, of, the, World, Banquet, and, Twister, Contest
• HBO, ECW, WWF, and, SNES, World, Heavy, Weight, Boxing, Champion, of, the, World, (except, Costa Rica) 1920, to, 1941, defeated, by, Knock, Out, with, Machine, Gun, by, Sylvester, Stallone

See, Also

• Bullshit
• James T. Kirk
• Star Trek
• Shat
• Uglo-Americans
• Mary-Sue character
• William Shatner Syndrome